Guest Post: Why You Should Go Slow On What You Are Smoking

The fight against drug abuse in our country has been going on for a number of years as many youths were suffering due to the side effects of the problem. Most of the people know about drugs and their effects and they have seen this from the various types of scenarios that have taken place. While some of them are sad and sorry, some of them are hilarious. Sample these:

 

Scenario one

A student in one of the high schools had taken a little too much of the “international herb” and since it was a major offence that called for severe punishment, it was done in secret. This practice went on for a while until the teachers grew suspicious. In one of the rounds, a teacher discovered a group of boys who were hiding behind the toilets and passing around a roll. When they saw him, they took to their heels and the teacher followed them. The said student ran for a while and felt tired, the next thing he did left the teacher wide-mouthed. He ‘hid’ behind a single strand of Napier grass, and even looked at the teacher and shushed him;

“sssshhhh, I am hiding!”

 

Scenario Two

This happened in Campus, a group of guys were sitting in one room discussing about a football match that took place a few hours ago. As the discussion on who played well and what could have been done to improve the game was going on, a roll, or two or three of bang moved from one hand to the other. The chatting went on until it was interrupted by a loud bout of laughter from one of the group members.

“Ni nini wewe?” they asked

The laughing one pointed at another member of the group (lets call him Kama). Kama’s hands were lifted and he had the most serious looks on his face. When people shook him out of his stupor, he came around but refused to bring down his hands, as he shouted at his colleagues:

“How can you not help me?” he asked

“Help you in what?”

“Holding up the roof before it falls on us!!! Can’t you see, the roof is caving in!” he responded.

They all looked at him, and looked at the roof and burst out laughing. Why: The roof was never caving in, in the first place!

 

Scenario Three:

This happened in one of the public Campuses where the herb is available in plenty; (how? I have no idea). This guy was hungry and because the semester ilikuwa imepiga corner, he could only afford to Sukuma wiki for another day. Since he was a non resident he could cook on his own. He went bought the sukuma wiki and headed to his house. The hunger pangs were too much for him and he was forced to do something no one has ever heard of. He boiled the water, kama kawaida and started cooking ugali, when it was lumpy enough he took the sukuma wiki and mixed it in the mixture. What a perfect way to save time and still enjoy a meal you wanted, huh!

 

THE DAY’S:

This post was written by beenduta who is an upcoming writer. She has posts at Wamathai, Storymoja, The Alternative Focus etc. She blogs at Bee Illustrated. Massive thanks to her.

Quote: Let there be sex at the end of the tunnel! I don’t care about the light – Author Unknown

 

 

Is She It?

You think you have it all, then you get an Einstein moment and discover that all you have is you, nothing more, probably a lot less – Greatrnk

 

One day when I was busy doing nothing and basically minding my own business…….wait, I think I was actually asleep, the guy upstairs nyemele-ad my room, stole one of my twenty four ribs and gave it to someone else. I am apparently supposed to look for this lucky girl with my rib. I hope she is hot, and not Chinese. If she is Chinese, I will not be able to find the one who has my rib even if I was given a photo…..they all look alike!

Sometime last year, I met someone I thought was THE ONE FOR ME. The one with my rib. Like everyone else who is meant for Someone X, she was taken by Someone Y! There are some lucky bastards dudes with girls who have other guy’s ribs because the ones with their ribs are not hot. Bastards because we will one day find our ribs and lucky because we will probably have failed to carry our semi-automatics!!

There is that time when you will meet a girl and you will be like “IS SHE IT?” “IT” is short for THE ONE which is short for THE ONE WITH MY RIB! Have I given enough hints to the gays who are reading this that there is nothing for them here? I hope I have! Anyway, after ascertaining that she is the one, the two of you will start dating, and that is when you will actually prove that SHE IS IT, and the IT is a short form of another word, probably one that ends with those letters. To put it in another way, some of her actions will leave you with the words IS SHE IT! (which is same as ISSHT!) in your mouth. Note that IS SHE IT! and IS SHE IT? mean two different things. Here are a few statements by girls/wives/mistresses that leave their boyfriends/husbands/mpango wa candles with the words IS SHE IT! in their mouths……instead of IS SHE IT? of course!

1. Honey, can we talk?

If you are a guy, you are not getting out of this one alive. She actually means “We have to argue and I must win!” Many guys have lost half of their fortune as a result of a divorce whose fire was started by those seemingly harmless words as two sticks rubbing each other. The only way to get out of it is to come up with an urgent thing to do, there and then……even if it means setting up the antennae so that it can finally show the channel with the soap she loves. (It should not be so hard, considering you are the one who tempered with it in the first place. That does not mean you do not take your sweet time!)

2. Not today……..I have a headache/I am tired

#That is all……wait, I thought Scientists say the activity relieves pain and is relaxing. No more comments here.

3. Do you think I look fat in this (clothing)….?

Another lose-lose situation for the guy, it does not matter how you answer this one, you have already lost! If you answer YES, you will be taken to trial, and the lenient sentence is a year without getting any {attention} ! NO will be met by “Why did you hesitate” etc. My guess is that the correct response is ignoring you ever heard her utter a word in your direction. Any attempt for the question to be repeated should be met by you almost dying as you choke on something……your saliva can be of help here.

4. Do you think she is pretty?

If any guy could answer that question honestly, the answer will most likely be: “Of Course!” but that will land you in troubleland. The worst thing about this question is not the fact that you have to be dishonest, but mainly because it will lead to other questions that will lead to #3 above, that will eventually lead to #1 when you reach home, and the punishment will be #2!

5. I just want us to be friends

This means “Go ask Him where He put your rib, you @$#%^&$%#! If He is sure it is me, come, take it and get the hell out of my life!” Too bad most guys interpret this as “If you try harder….you never know”

6. You forgot?

You are in trouble. It does not matter what you forgot, it may be the first-time-you-were-rained-together anniversary, the first-argument-you-had anniversary or any other stupid anniversary. The fact that you forgot, is punishable.

7. I love that…..

This is enough hint of what she wants for her birthday, Valentines day or the other stupid anniversaries, whichever is less than a month away. It matters less if it is the Nokia N8 that she will only use to call or text other guys, you are apparently supposed to get it for her!

8. Do you love me?

Seriously, what kind of a question is this?

9. I missed my periods…

The only way this can be good news is if you two are actually married, otherwise….hehehehehehe (my guy, why did you not use protection?)

10. I missed my periods, it is not yours….

You are caught between celebrating (that the kid is not yours) and being annoyed that she has been cheating on you.

11. I missed my periods, it is not yours, it is your best friend’s!

IS SHE IT!!!!!

THE DAY’S:

Quote: If you have not passed the devil on this road we call life…It is probably because you are all going in the same direction – Jasper

The Princess Project: This Mask

 

I wish I felt beautiful all the time

I wish I could trust you with my life

I wish I could live, dance, just be, without a care

But to be human is to be self-conscious

So I pretend I am all these… and wonder if anyone sees through the mask.

Life is about appearances. It’s about the phone you have, the people you hang around, the person you’re dating, the car you’re driving, where you live… but life begins when we stop making it about them, and start making it about you. Are you doing things for them, or for you? Do you want to look a certain way for you, or is it for them?

Sometimes we feel comfortable hiding our true selves from everyone else. The problem is that we can’t hide from ourselves. We know what we’re going through. We know what haunts us.

And when we make mistakes, we want to take the easy way out. We want to pretend it’s not there; act like everything’s okay, even when we can’t sleep at night because, well, everything is not okay. So very few of us actually face their demons, which means that we end up with way too much baggage than we can bear.

We want to get rich and successful, by all means we know, except hard work. We want to be the popular ones; we try so hard to fit in that somewhere along the way we lose ourselves. The worst thing that can happen to anyone is losing their identity.

We can’t be perfect – no one is. We all make mistakes, and sometimes the consequences are grave. But often time what determines our strength is our ability to admit our mistakes, face up to them, live with the consequences.

Sometimes it is hard to just smile and pretend. Sometimes we forget we can run, but we can’t hide.

Last week, our princess Gabrielle Akinyi Wanjohi is introduced by Samantha the Blackberry Princess to a women’s support and exchange group loosely called “The Nightbirds”, ( she calls it Sam’s Society) which comprises sex workers and vanillas, straight and queer. Who are these people? What are they up to? The Nightbirds – Part One is followed up by The Nightbirds – Part Two now already available.

The latest trend in terms of technology is the Android Operating System. Chiira Maina helps us to better understand this operating system, which is an Open Source Software initially developed by Android Inc. (later bought by Google) and which runs best on mobile devices. What you need to know about the Android OS.

In our Society & Identity page this week, Brenda Angwenyi makes her debut on The Princess Project with a question. Just how much truth can we handle? The truth does not really matter sometimes because it changes people’s perceptions, intentionally or not. You tell the truth and you risk cutting the ties you have with people around you, even when they promise that it will not affect what you have with them. Truth Is… Do you want to Know?

On Punk’s Twilight Zone, Ivory punk introduces us to Walter de la Mare (1873-1956), whose poem Bones summarizes her quite hilarious medical relationship with her ENT specialist, who is better than a preachy dull, bespectacled geek of a doctor.

Another debut article by Nyambura Kiarie takes us through Health Management by introducing us to her new column Chronic City. What happens to your life and the life of your loved ones when you wake up one day and find yourself caught in a storm of change that you did not envision nor choose? Chronic City explores conversations about your health, what happens when you lose it, and moving on with life after a diagnosis of chronic illness.

The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver stands out from any other novel about “deepest darkest Africa” that you may find in the bookshops.  It is the story of the Price family -their stay in the Belgian Congo, and how Africa changes their lives. Gideon Chumo and Stella Riunga give us a book review that will make you want to read and re-read the novel.

If you find an African woman who is not attached to chemical relaxers, please note that you are looking at a rare find. It’s time contemporary black women learn the truth about the Smooth Criminal. Just be prepared for what you are going to hear from Imani Opar on our Beauty & Fitness page.

We aren’t done schooling you. We have another debut from Claudette Oduor with her new column on The Princess Project titled Paper Mache. Claudette begins by taking you on a trip To Nairobi from Timbuktu.

What do you think of the TJRC, tribunals, commissions, and whatever other vehicles deviced to earth the truth. The present near standstill of the thoroughly discredited TJRC (“Truth, Justice and Reconciliation Commission”) allows us to look back. Such commissions have a become a bit of a fad in the international human rights business in the last decades – and a business and flourishing profession it is. “Injustice, untruth and non-conciliation” by Alexander Eichener on the PPK’s Legal Pad.

You do not want to miss any of these articles, so take your time, read them and then tell us what you think about it all.

Do have yourselves a lovely weekend!

Guest Post: Summer Bunnies Drive Me Crazy

One day when I was busy doing nothing, I was tagged to this post. That was my first encounter with fellow taggee, nkirdizzle. I checked her work at Revealed, and I loved what she has, as I am sure you will if you do the same. I would like to thank her for this wonderful guest post, sit tight and enjoy!

 

I have been asked this question several times, what is a summer bunny?

A summer bunny is a Kenyan who is visiting from overseas. They usually come back mostly around November to February, or in June, or whenever they feel like it.

Summer bunnies are very dangerous, in fact you should stay away from them.

But then again, they are extremely cool cats. They come back home with all kinds of fancy things that you can souv yourself like lipgloss, that pretty top, the nice jacket he he he, not to mention new accents for some of the superficial bunnies.

There is also the fact that most of them come back acting and looking like the epitome of cool. Getting involved with them would seem very lucrative since they are only here for a certain period of time, and they are the perfect contenders for a summer fling.

Or so I thought….

Last year a friend of mine came back for the Christmas holidays. We were not that close and I had no idea he was back. Anyway so we bumped into each other and started talking again since we already had each other’s digits.

At first it was just platonic but then me the idiotic girl that I am caught feelings.

Did I mention that he came back looking all ripped after shedding a significant amount of pounds? And he knew just the right shirts to wear that would hug his biceps perfectly.

By the way, why do buff men feel shy to show off their muscles?? I ask my close friends that question all the time because they are so ripped and they never show it off!

He also has that whole LL Cool J thing going on, he would always subconsciously lick his lips slowly in a very provocative way. It used to drive me crazy and made me wish I could lick them for him (o.O)

Anyway so like I said previously before I digressed, we were just friends and out of my own volition, I fell for him, hard.

We used to talk every day, about anything and everything. We had mutual friends so we always did stuff together. We worked in the same industry so we got to compare whose job is worse than the other.

I wish I put a stop to the madness before it progressed so far. Nothing good comes off summer flings if you introduce emotions into the mix.

Not to mention that I am against long distance relationships, those things never work, the horror stories trump the success stories. I am more for the option to part ways on a good note, and then see what happens once distance is no longer a barrier.

To cut the long story short, nothing ever materialised between us, he went back to wherever he came from and that story pretty much died. The feelings evaporated, and I moved on, fell and got over other losers.

Then thanks to some social networks and their dumb top news I discovered he is now with someone else and the feelings came rushing back! The green eyed monster reared its ugly head and the promise of good things to come in future vanished.

I am one of those people who still lights a torch for people whom I could have been with, but circumstances came in the way so nothing happened but we still are sort of friends, and there is still a window of opportunity.

Well I considered him to be in that category, especially since I have never got him out of my system.

Thanks to that idiotic network again, I have discovered he is summer bunnying again this year. He must have landed by now. This piece of information has sent my mind reeling. I cannot get my hopes up because he is now with someone else. I am afraid to see him because I have no idea what emotions that will elicit. I want to see him to see how it will affect him. I still have the slightest glimmers of hope….. uurrgghh.

Instead of cutting the story short, I am just extending it smh.

Summer bunnies will drive you crazy, R-Kelly was not lying when he was belting that tune out!

 

THE DAY’S:

Quote: I haven’t been to work in two weeks. I’ve almost forgotten how to play solitaire and minesweeper – Annonymous