Conscience is the guardian in the individual of the rules which the community has evolved for its own preservation – William Somerset Maugham
The first thing God did after getting the Israelites out of Egypt was to come up with a list of rules they could follow. Fortunately for them, the rules were only 10
but unfortunately fornication and adultery was among them. The thing about us humans is that we need rules so that we can break them. I have always thought that had Adam not been told not to eat of the forbidden fruit, we would still be in Eden. While there are rules that can be broken, there are others that cannot. Under no circumstances are they to be broken, even if a life depends on it. These rules are different for the two different genders, and while I am sure you have heard/know/practice them, a reminder every now and then does no harm.
Here are the rules for men and women
Men : Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you are on equal footing, either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
Women : You shall never go to the washroom without at least one other girlfriend from your group.
Men : It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss’ car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.
e. When she is using her teeth.
Women : It is okay if you cry under ANY and ALL circumstances. It is allowed.
Men : No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate’s birthday is strictly optional.
Women : You must remember the birthdays and anniversaries of all your friends. If you forget your girlfriends’ first date anniversaries you may be ignored for 6 months.
Men : If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually marry her.
Women : Your best friend’s brother, boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, love interest, ex- love interest is immediately off limits.
Men : If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you had better be talking about his choice of beer.
Women : It is acceptable for a woman to compliment another woman on how she looks. The word “cute” is encouraged. After complimenting another woman, it is permitted that you turn around and bitch about her to your best friend.
Men : Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both – that is just greedy.
Women : When a woman says, “Does anyone want this last piece of pizza?” she is really saying, “Someone please eat this before I do because it will make me fat.”
Men : The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you would know what I want!” gets a Play station II. End of story!
Women : A woman will never tell a man exactly what she is thinking. The man is expected to read the woman’s mind. You must not tell him why you are upset at him. Are you crazy?
Men : If a hot girl shall happen to pass by while you are in an arms reach of your buddy, you must, and will, tap him on the shoulder to make him aware of the babe.
Women : You can fantasize about Daniel Craig or want Brad Pitt to take off his shirt in a movie forever. The guy cannot watch Beyonce dance on TV.
Men : You have not made any mistake if you find that there are extra pieces after reassembling or assembling an object. In fact, you have just found a way to make that object more efficient.
Women : It is okay if you can’t use a piece of technology after reading the ENTIRE instruction manual. It is perfectly normal.
Men : No man shall spend more than 2 minutes in front of a mirror. If more time is required, a three minute waiting period must be allowed before returning to the mirror.
Women : When a woman says, “I will be ready in five minutes,” she really means, “I will be ready in half an hour.”
I hope that Men will adhere to these rules and others. I am not FIDA and hence cannot speak for the other gender.
Quote : The Exorcist – not the first time a Catholic priest ties a little girl to a bed.
Other Men Rules:
1. Bros before girls. Girlfriends come and go, but your boys are always there.
2. You must never own a cat. And you must never like your girl’s cat.
3. If you get two tickets to the big game, the priority list for granting the second ticket is as follows: 1. Your best friends (in order of how long you have known them). 2. Your acquaintances. 3. Your co-workers……. 8. Mwai Kibaki…….. 35. NSIS…… 1,325,476. Your girlfriend.
4. No PDA (Public Display of Affection) – Yes another girl can stand the sight of you (and congratulations for that), but you need not wear her like she is the bloody World Cup trophy you just won!
5. When out with your boys, never accept a call from your girlfriend…..unless she is dying or trapped under a burning fuel track, and in that case…keep it short!
6. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at rugby, and your beer is getting wet, then, for the drinking period only, it is permissible.
7. Bros before girls – I know I have said this before but I have to say it again.