Things I Have Done During the Denial Stage of A Break Up

by ArumtheChamp

 

Denial is one of the most interesting stages of a break-up that involves lots of drama. If you are a normal human being like me, the confusion and uncertainty that is characteristic of this stage has boggled your mind and made you do some irrational things. Today, I present some of my experiences for your entertainment. So, what did I do during the denial stage? 

1. Tried to kiss and make up hoping that things get back to normal. In relationships we have conflict solving sequences that we normally go through. It normally ends with the kiss and make up passionately. Well, when in denial some random wishful thinking crosses your mind and you try to pull off this kiss thingy…. It does not work! If you want to look like a fool please do it! 

2. The ‘Maybe we are just playing out the same story of this romantic movie’ consolation. Movie scripts are altered to create ideal situations where there is a happy miracle ending. Well, life is different. Why do some movies start to appear when you are breakig up though? When you have broken up, avoid love movies, they will make you try stuff like declaring your everlasting love whilst on one knee, which will consequently give a girl a heart attack. 

3. Calling more. We sometimes have this fallacy that maybe we should start calling more than usual showing that ‘I really care’ ofcourse at this time she is ignoring your call…. But you are an ambitious cat…. You got really lonely and called at 2 A.M……. Can’t believe I did that one. The consolation I had was ‘maybe she is playing hard to get’. Looking back, I can bet she was either telling her gay friend or sisters that some loser was pursuing her ruthlessly, and his desperation was a major turn off…. bleugh. 

4. Texts. In addition to erratic phone calls, you start sending romantic texts because you are afraid that some other dude may have stepped up and is taking over your territory…… I once went out of character and sent a text saying ‘Baby I miss you so so so sos so so muuuchos’ ti hi hi hi. Man, i bitch slap myself every-time I remember this. 

5. Social Media. You get on facebook and post her favourite song or put random love quotes especially when you notice that she is online. When she puts up a depressed status update (probably because of you) you either comment sympathetically or text her ‘Baby I love you so so so so muchos.’ 

6. Tell your friends that you took ‘a break’. Btw, if the break ‘just to see if things will work out’ was her idea then that thing is as good as over. You are on the way to the evil friendzone and you cant get out of there. But just tell your friends that you are under control of the situation, they should never know that you are scared like a little girl who needs constant boo boo hugs due to your bruised ego….. Lmao you emotional wreck! 

7. The ‘she will never find another like me’ consolation. We guys like to think that we are rare and unredictable. Well, most guys are predictable and your girl can predict your every movement just as a puppet master can control his puppet. Guys who say this are just the same because every guy says this. And yes, I said this one too. 

8. In an utter form of desperation try to convince her to come back to you while making a fool of yourself in the process. If you want a girl to hate you and be disgusted forever just get down on your knees and beg her to come back to you with visible tears in your eyes. This only works for married people……. Luckily I never did this one, but I did consider it. As guys we really are emotionally inferior to women though. it took me a long time to figure out that doing nothing might actually do more to alter the power games to your favour….. keep your head and move on with your life guys. 

9. Try to get close with her friends to either make her jealous or to try and find out what she is thinking. We all know that girls confide in their friends alot. They talk much, thats why when they break up, its painful they invest more in their relationships than we guys do. So anyway, if you are like me, you tried to take this to your advantage and started inboxing or texting her close friends. It may only work for the short term, but after a while you are back to square one…. 

10. Buying a random gift. This beats logic. We somehow think that a material gift may solve any of our problems. I actually know someone who wanted to borrow money to buy a gold chain……and yes, I bought chocolates which I ended up eating on my way back home with anger. But then chocolate is a good break up drug. I see why girls eat loads of it. it works.

 

So guys, break ups are probably the best things that can happen to you if you decide to learn from them…. and yes ladies, I have recovered from heartbreak.. so call me maybe?

 

About the Author: Arum The Champ is a blogger who writes mostly about how people (should) behave on twitter. You can find his hilarious writing at The Rare Champ

Know Your Worth

by switcheeks

Grandmother’s advice

Before you go on and sigh! It’s not another sad Love gone sour I know my worth story, so go on continue scrolling down. I had a weird dream recently, I dreamed that I was 94, relaxing by the beach with my current age which let’s pretend it’s 21. The conversation we, I mean I had with my older self was really weird and so real, it went something like this;

Grandmother me; “Lately it seems V, you hardly know your worth in life, you worry about small things that you don’t have control over. You need to relax, inhale and let everything go, heck see the wrinkles I have now because of your worrying too much? Let me tell you 5 things that you should never forget my dear;”

1. “Stop bringing yourself down. Would you allow anyone to call you stupid, say hurtful things about you on your face and just let them get away with it? Of course you wouldn’t! But you feel it’s okay to hurl insults to yourself. See that pole over there?” I turned around to look at it, as she handed me some grease (it’s a dream, don’t ask where the grease came from) she then told me to apply some on the pole, and then try climbing it. I couldn’t do it. “You see my dear,” she continued laughing, “How you always bring yourself down, thinking you’re not worth anything, you’ll always end up trying to climb that pole in life. That’s what negative thinking does.”

2. “Let go of your so called friends. I know this may sound a little bit harsh, but have they added any meaning to your life?” I told her some have; she went on as if she didn’t hear anything I said. “The ones you say you trust have they earned that trust? Why do you confide in them and yet they end up gossiping about you to everyone? All they do is bring you down. I thought you knew friends are like sponges thrown in a pool of water, you either absorb their good or bad traits. Now, are they worth calling friends?”

3. “Love yourself.” (I don’t mean fap) but when was the last time you treated yourself to something nice for all the hard work you do? You have a beach here, why don’t you take advantage of it? Relax, switch your phone off, get a good book to read and just enjoy the sound of the waves. That man you have been stressing over. Is he worth it? Look at you V; do you honestly think the forbidden fruit you have been eating is the sweetest? When I look at you, I see you eating more of Poison Ivy than the forbidden fruit. Love yourself enough to know your worth.”

4. “When was the last time you told mum you loved her and not just put up a stupid update or tweet saying how much you do when you know she’s not on Facebook or Twitter? Call her and tell her that. She needs to know you appreciate her for everything she’s done for you. And our brothers and sisters, do you remember they always put up with you through your worst. Don’t forget that and treat your friends like they are more important than family. In the end family will always be there for you.”

5. “You are not perfect. Remember that; don’t act like you haven’t wronged anyone. Apologize, let go of all the grudges you have and work on your relationship with God. He knows you are far from perfect, yet he’s never given up on you. Know your worth in life, V.”

I wish there was a way I would have recorded that dream, it was so real because I was/I’m in that point in life where I need to let go of all the negative burdens and things going on around me. Maybe I had that dream because my grandma is 94 and sick lately and I’m always worrying about her, but whatever the case, the advice I got was practical. Know your worth in life.

About the Author: Switcheeks (twitter handle) aka Marion aka Viona or V as she has called herself here is the founder and Executive Producer of Act Like A Facebook Girl; Think Like A Twitter Woman. She is a great writer, is witty and funny and I will let you judge that by yourself by directing you to her blog, Vionna’s Watching.

Emerging Trend in Marriage: Shared Spousal Roles

by Krista Meyers

If you consider how men and women share roles in their marriage, you will note that these roles have evolved over time. Even up to the middle to late twentieth century, the roles of husband and wife have changed quite a bit. Where roles were a bit more defined across the genders, today, these roles overlap and many duties are shared between spouses. The shared roles can facilitate for a more harmonious marital relationship especially when children are involved.

Primary Provider

In the past and still practiced today by some families, husbands typically would be the breadwinners, who would work all day, earn the family income and do the family budget. The wife would stay home, take care of the children, prepare meals and take care of the house. Whereas today, this role has been reversed in some marriages where some men stay home with the children while the wife goes out and earns an income. Some families opt for this because the wife has more earning power. This shared role can work especially if the husband is pursuing online studies because he gets more free time to study.

Budgeting

Shared roles are becoming prevalent in marriages especially when it comes to finances today. There are some men who allow their wives to manage the household finances or vice versa. More efficient households share this task. It not only keeps the finances in the open but it reduces fights over money. Money should not be the central focus in the relationship, but where the finances are handled as a team and each spouse has input, this shared responsibility can be the key to financial success.

Chores

Household chores can be unbalanced in some marriages. The typical marriage may have the wife doing the chores inside the home and the husband taking care of the vehicles, the yard and all other outside tasks. Other marriages where responsibilities are shared, there is compromise and teamwork. The spouses that work together get things done more efficiently. There will always be a particular task that is better handled that one of the spouses but marital camaraderie makes the workload seem lighter.

Children’s Welfare

Raising children has been seen in the past as a woman’s role. However, today, it is widely accepted that children need their fathers’ input in their lives. Therefore, many fathers are taking a more active role in raising their children. As a husband shares this role with his wife, he makes a strong statement and impact of his children’s lives. It not only eases the mother’s burden, but his input is very important in shaping the children’s lives.

Today, the emerging trend is that husbands and wives share or alternate roles in the household. Spouses are sharing the finances, household chores and raising the children together. Husbands are also taking the opportunity to be stay-at-home fathers. The roles in a marriage have now evolved. A marriage should be based on love, trust and shared responsibility. Each spouse brings something special into the marriage and the spirit of collaboration makes the marriage be even more successful.

About the author: Krista Meyers is a guest post author who specializes in writing about marriage, tips about matchmaking services, dating whatnots and other personal views about people’s relationships. 

Pobody’s Nerfect!

By JustAlffie

 

This is a play of words that the more perceptive of you already know points to “Nobody’s Perfect” only with greater emphasis. I’ll try make this as short and as straight to the point as I possibly can.

 We are definitely in a social media run time and it’s becoming the primary platform for/of sharing info and opinions on everything and anything. It’s no surprise that the artists of any kind use it to “connect” with their fans, followers and sycophants for that matter.

 On this post, I’d like to address especially the musical artists & their social media conduct, more specifically, twitter since that’s where I reside.

 I earlier mentioned that social media is used by artists to connect and I put that word in parenthesis because quite frankly, some of their -the artists – conduct end up disconnecting from rather than connecting to/with their fans. I’ll mention one in particular that bothers me.

 I find this really annoying. That song you did, there’s no way in hell that EVERYBODY loved it. The fact that you only Retweet the tweets that tend to compliment you and ignore those that don’t, just says you are detached from reality. Truth is, the fact that some don’t like it, doesn’t necessarily mean they “hate” you or are “haters”.

 Here’s a life lesson (for everyone):

 Friends (fans in this case) help sustain you but it’s the critics that actually improve you! Alffie

 I’ve been told time and again that I’m a critic and this quote always thrown at me: 

“Pay no attention to what the critics say; no statue has ever been erected to a critic.” Jean Sibelius

 I find this quote to be one that portrays a person who plays victim. Another thing, if having a statue in your honour is the motivation for not being a “critic” then I guess there are so many vain people in the world lying their way into people’s good “people to erect a statue of/to” book!

 A wise man once said that “the art of keen and accurate observation is often mistaken for criticism” and in the present day, it’s even mistaken for “hating”. Only the wise take these as lessons and seek to improve.

 Dear artist:

 

1. Get over yourself. You are not perfect. Not everything you release will be that good.

2. Not everyone who says they don’t like your new music hates you. Chances are they just expect MUCH more and MUCH better from you. Granted, there are just those that just hate but some have genuine and valid opinions. Listen, respond. You’ll be better for it.

3. Learn to respond to critics. Something like, “I’ll look into that and thanks for listening. Listen to more of my music and let me know your thoughts” etc, will gain you a loyal fan that will eventually improve you. Sycophants do nothing for you other than give you a false sense of security and accomplishment which consequently destroys you. You should however be wise in picking who to respond to because some just want a pointless fight/beef/tweef.

4. Your fans may not be schooled in all the music tricks, keys and the like but it’s for them that you do your music and as such have a say as to how good (or not) you sound, so respect their opinions. Believe it or not, you need the fans, they don’t need you!

NOTE: These points, in one form or another, applies to everyone in the social media world. Pick your piece and work on it.

 Nobody’s Perfect! You are not Nobody so guess what? You are not perfect either! But remember,

Though you are not perfect, you must always seek to be perfected!

 This is just one of those you, the artist, needs to work on.

There are many other issues to address on social media conduct for artists, something their managers should know and inform artists on because they play a big a role in building their brand.

 “Pobody’s Nerfect” is a phrase I got from DMAUB, an artist that many don’t know or even heard of and that I’m not even going to try and introduce you to. All you need to know is that this is not my phrase and integrity calls on me to cite the owner.

  

About the Author: Alffie is a blogger and a poet who was born after his time before his time. In his mind is faith, friends and family. He loves arts, music and football. Read more of his impressive work here http://onalfred.blogspot.com/

Getting Over Heartbreak

By Potentash

 

My friend on twitter @greatrnk asked me to write a guest post for him on any topic I wanted. After thinking about it I thought let me write about something I know a lot about, heartbreak.

For those who have experienced it heartbreak can be devastating. People go through heartbreak for different reasons. Some of them are infidelity; incompatibility; your partner falls for somebody else and decides you’re not the “one,” physical; emotional or sexual abuse; you find out your partner has been lying to you or keeping secrets; or maybe they are moving away and they aren’t taking you with them.

Whatever the reason heartbreak can make somebody go insane. Swinging on the pendulum between crazy and comatose. Some people experience heartbreak and go crazy. They smash or burn things, probably those of their partner, they cause drama, they go on drinking, eating or drug binges, they go completely off the wall generally. Then there is the other side. Somebody gets into a deep depression. They go quiet, they don’t eat or sleep, they can be suicidal, and the person does not want to talk to anybody. They cry endlessly and can’t stop. Heartbreak can be on any of these levels or none. Everyone is unique and how somebody handles heartbreak is unique to them. It’s also to some extent the reason why their heart was broken.

One of the sad things about heartbreak is that to other people you must go on. If somebody dies your office or school will give you a few compassionate days to stay home. When you get your heart broken you must go to work and behave like everything is normal. Inside something inside you has died and you feel so much pain but no one recognizes that you feel like you are in a tsunami of pain and you do not know when it will end.

So how do you get over heartbreak?

It is not easy to get over a heartbreak. There’s no quick formula for getting over a heartbreak. It’s not like you can go to a doctor and they give you pills to take for five days and abracadabra you are healed. Some heartbreaks can be gotten over in a couple of months, some take years. For me sometimes I can be okay for a long period of time then suddenly it hits me again and I get depressed. Some people go through long periods of depression and others do not. Getting over a heartbreak takes time. But there are things that can help one get over heartbreak.

Cry. If you’re the type to cry do it. This helps release negative emotions and it is a body mechanism to get rid of stress.

Laugh. If you’re like me who finds it hard to cry find something to make you laugh. Read funny books, watch movies or cartoons that make you laugh. Hang out with people who can put a smile on your face.

Talk about it to somebody you trust. Talk it out. Get all the negative emotions out. It’s great to have a sounding board where you can get out all the bitter stuff that’s in you. Women are good at this.

Write. Write it out. You can write letters to yourself or to the person. Say what you feel. You can post these or keep them to yourself. When I think heartbreak I write poetry. See a sample here – Heartbreak Hotel. It helps me get out what I feel.

Keep yourself busy. Do things that keep your mind busy. If you’re doing nothing you tend to think a lot or over think then you get depressed. By keeping yourself busy you are unlikely to do harsh things like keep calling your ex or binge.

Indulge yourself. For me when I feel down I treat myself to chocolate or a great meal. It makes me happy. The thing is do not go overboard. Some of the things you can indulge in can become an addiction. This goes for food not just alcohol.

Exercise. Take up going to the gym or walking or any exercise. This increases mental alertness and stops you from being lethargic. It’s easy to seat in front of the TV and never move. Or stay in your bed crying for days on end. It is also good for your body. There were and are times I wish I could box. Some days I want to get out those emotions and it would be nice to have something to hit. Exercise reduces stress. It also improves your self image as well as body image.

Spend time with your family or the people that love you. They can help you get over the hurt. But if they are causing you grief sometimes its best to stay away.

Do things you love. If you love dancing go dancing. If you love cars go watch the rally or go to motor shows. Doing things that you love increases you happiness and then you are somewhere on the road to healing.

Do not call or text or Facebook the person. Sometimes when hurting you reach out to the person who hurt you. You end up going back to something you swore you will not. It is very easy to get caught up in wishing that things were the same as before and so you go back. It is understandable you loved the person. But do not go back. Wait until you are able to deal logically with your emotions before seeing the person again. Else you will take them back when they say they are sorry or you will go completely psycho and cause drama.

Realize that the relationship ended and that you deserve better. Love yourself. One thing I have learnt that sometimes we give out so much love we forget to love ourselves. We put the other person’s needs first and so when you break up you are running on empty. Learn to love yourself and put yourself first. Pamper and love you. Fill yourself with love. Read books or articles on how to love yourself better. I read The Daily Love on the internet every day. It helps me get positive reinforcement and teaches me to love and appreciate myself. If you’re a Christian you can read the Bible to find out about real love. Other religions also have books about love. Read those. Find your path.

Take up a new project that you have always wanted to do. This builds your confidence, it keeps you busy so your thinking about the person is at a minimum and you’re growing. It’s challenging doing something you have wanted to do but haven’t. But it gives you confidence and it helps you realize that there’s life after heartbreak. It also helps you to realize that you can move on. Accomplishing something new will counteract the feelings of hurt and sadness.

Go out and meet new people. I know what you are thinking. I don’t want to meet new people. I want so and so. I am not saying go out and look for the next person to date. Just go out and meet new people. You may find somebody who will heal your heart maybe. But meeting new people is good. You get to socialize and find out interesting things about others. Maybe you were kissing the wrong frogs. Whatever.

Listen to music that makes you happy or makes you want to dance or inspires you. Don’t listen to sad or romantic songs.

Talking to God. When I feel low and especially when I was first heartbroken I talked to God. I asked God to give me grace and love to get through that hurricane period and he did and still does. I think if there is one “person” who understands how we feel its God. He created us in his image and so he understands us. He understands our anger, pain, disappointment. He understands our hopes and dreams. He more then anybody understands what we felt for the person who broke our heart. And he understands the trust issues thereafter. He is the one who can help us learn to forgive the person (if we can) and move on. I have found that God is the one true rock in heartbreak.

One day you will realize that only time can heal your heartbreak. But in the meantime take care of yourself. Eat. Pray. Love. Do not give up on you. I do not want to say do not give up on love. The jury is still out on that one as far as I am concerned so I won’t tell you something I am not too sure about anymore.

The best thing you can do for yourself during this time to love yourself again and discover who you are again. Sometimes in a relationship you lose yourself and during heartbreak it’s a time for you to find out who you are. Love you.

There are many ways to get over heartbreak. Not everything I have written here will work for you or somebody you love. What worked for you? Or what advice would you give somebody going through heartbreak?

 

About the Author: Potentash is a blogger and writer. She writes on a variety of subjects. You can read more of her work here http://www.potentash.com/

Dating Advice for People who Think they Don’t Need it

By Vic

So we all know someone who doesn’t think they need advice, but guess what, even superstars and billionaires have their own insecurities and so does the person I will be writing about. This following letter addresses the person who I think would blow up any advice given as his confidence and strength clouds simply everything.

Dear Superman,

You are so confident, charming and oh so damn sexy! You have a mysteriousness about yourself that keeps women thinking about you. You are strong and so powerful that you make women feel safe and secure.

With all of that said, you would think you would have no problem dating. But, women love closeness and intimacy. They also appreciate openness and honesty. However, you find it hard to be close with anyone. Perhaps this is due to your being abandoned by your parents. Heal your heart in this area, forgive and learn how to be close to others. Expand your social skills and learn to be comfortable in your own skin. This will help you when you are dating.

I know you find it hard to reveal who you really are underneath your costume, but like I stated above, women appreciate honesty. Plus, you want a woman that will love you for who you are. If you never tell her the truth, you will not know for sure if she is the one for you. But, please make sure before you do reveal your true self that the woman is not employed by your arch nemesis.

Since you do not have much dating experience, nor really any experience with women, you may need to discover what you like in a woman before settling down with one. I would suggest that you go on several dates with different women so you can explore what you are most attracted to.

Also, please refrain from using x-ray vision on your first few dates despite how tempting it may be to use it and make sure you wear your underwear on the inside of your pants for the date!

Yours sincerely,

Vic

About the Author: Vic runs http://www.cupidslibrary.com/