Music


We do two shows a night for five weeks. A lotta times we’ll go upstairs and sing until daylight–gospel songs. We grew up with it…..It more or less puts your mind at ease. It does mine…..Gospel music is the purest thing there is on Earth – Sir Elvis Presley

I know, I was and still am shocked when I read the person who said those words. Was it really Elvis? I think people who will find themselves in heaven will be shocked when they find (first) themselves, then the people we all think are on a hell bound bus with no brakes. Music is now a necessity in life. With the discovery of a fourth state of matter came the addition of Music to the three basic human wants.

One Saturday mid morning, I opened the radio and to my surprise, this is what I heard, “Hii ni 106.7 Citizen….” Immediately, the panic button was pressed and the disaster management protocol activated in my brain. Whenever such things happen, my brain sort of works at speeds that rival the speed of light to make sure there is minimum body damage. What I know is that I went deaf for a few seconds, quickly reached for the radio’s off button before I could hear any other bullcrap from an S. K. Macharia station. When the panic was over, came rage and I knew, to safeguard myself against such an event happening again, I had to undertake the next step.

I quickly formed a Commission of Inquiry to investigate Who/What, When, Why and How someone/thing switched the National  Family radio to Citizen FM! The Commission is still conducting its hearings and several family members have been reprimanded. When dust had settled down, I asked someone who could withstand the station to put on the radio when I had left the room and change the station to a Greatrnk friendly station. On coming back to the living room, the radio was playing John Legend’s Refuge (When it’s Cold Outside). What do I hear after the song ends, “That’s John Legend and you are on Radio 316!!!”

OMG, I thought to myself, since when did John Legend sing a song eligible for play on a Christian radio station? John Legend, just like Joe, only sings about sex. Do not get me wrong, I love his music. But surely,  Let’s Get Lifted, She Don’t have to know, So High, Green Light, Quickly, Cross the Line, Satisfaction etc are either about sex or some hidden meaning I am yet to decipher. I could forgive a Christian station for playing Jordin Spark’s One Step at a Time or Faith but not a John Legend song. Heck, play Kanye West’s Jesus Walks. It has the name of Jesus in-not only-the song, but also the title!

A few years back, I watched Cece Wainan’s More than what I wanted video. A year later, I am told Cece Wainans is a Gospel artist and that song is gospel. #HowNow? I  cannot remember what I saw in the video but I think I saw a girl and a guy on a boat and there was nothing gospel about it. The thing I am driving at is, how contemporary can a gospel song be? Does a song pass for Gospel just because it does not have the Fcuk and Issht words? Is a song gospel just because it is inspiring even though there is no mention of God. Can we convert issht love songs to gospel songs by interpreting the (S)HE to mean GOD? I leave that for you to decide.

THE DAY’S

Bonus:

1. Someone asked me between Lacrae and Tupac, who is better. My first reaction was WTH is Lacrae? I told the guy, it is insane to compare Tupac with anybody else apart from Biggie, and he still beats Biggie. If Lacrae is that good, I would have heard of him…..Yes, I do not know much about gospel artists but I know about Papa San and Kirk Franklin. I will be listening to Lacrae’s songs to make a better judgement.

2. I am walking with someone talking about music when he blabbers that “Jordin Sparks is among the best RAPPERS and he would go see HIM if HE were to come to Kenya!” I know there is a time when one is 80 years old and all you want to do is die. That is what I wanted. To die and get away from this evil Earth with all this bullcrap we have to accommodate from idiots. What I did is that I made sure no one had heard him speak apart from me, then maintained a three metre radius between me and him so that if he happens to say some idiotic phrase, no one would connect me to him.

3. The two most abundant elements in the World are Hydrogen and idiocy.


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10 thoughts on “Music

  1. Either you have met too many idiots or you simply know idiots (I do not count). Jordin Sparks as a rapper? GTFOH.

    LaCrae sounds like a crayon maker. Don’t believe me? Try saying it slowly and you will know what I mean. That is reason enough for him/her not to be a musician (maybe ballet dancer will suffice).

    • I have been forced to install an idiot repellent application to my brain to safeguard it against further damage.

      I want to listen to this LaCrayon guy so that I can prove he is nowhere near Rick Ross who is nowhere near Pac.

  2. Lol, ok i had to ‘lol’ first at the bonus segment which i tôt was kinda funny. Anyways, i do relate with this post and feel the need for ascertion, but then again (i am just here for the free chicken) and being a lover of “good music” whether its Don moen/kirk franklin/ Rick ross or MI..as long as its good music, play on!

  3. Hey, I never read this and the way I thought I had read all your posts! I won’t make a comment about the post. I dunno all those people you’ve talked about…well apart from Kirk Franklin and Elvis 🙂

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