Focusing on Self


by Arum the Champ

Today I am going to write about something that I have been dealing with recently. Something that I became consciously aware of and it somewhat freaked me out. After noticing that I did it often I also realised that many other people did it too, which ofcourse forced me to analyze it and subsequently write something about it (yes writing is my therapy).

So anyway today I will talk about criticism and how we self-sabotage ourselves when we always focus on criticising others instead of ourselves. I have to admit, due to some of my personality traits I am good at focusing on flaws, mistakes and errors of other people. Infact, it does not help that I am a perfectionist who sometimes tries to prove others wrong just for the sake of feeling like I am right.

It is easy to criticize other people, infact when you criticize you somehow get a delusional feeling that you are better than another individual. A couple of years ago when I was going through a particular phase in my life, I came to learn of a concept called ‘projection.’

Simply explained, it states that the traits which we identify in others whether good or bad are somehow inherent in us. Yes, when you throw out that “she is so manipulative” comment at another, it may mean that deep inside we share that character trait. Projection and the awareness of our strengths/weaknesses is a fabolous way to master or discover who you really are. I would have gone deeper in to it but that is not my focus today.

Back to criticism….. the thing with criticism from a distance is that most of the time it may be coupled with hate or an inferiority complex. It is easy to focus on others flaws yet forget that we are human beings that have loads of issues to deal with.

to the point………

our progress as individual is greatly limited when we keep on focusing on what others need to do with their lives. I suggest that it would be better if you focused more on yourself and what we need to do to become better individuals.

Am I saying that we totally refrain from criticising injustices? no. What I mean is that we should focus more of our criticisms on our selves and continually challenge who we are on a daily basis. In our relationships/friendships instead of focusing on what others should do to make us happy, put your ego aside and instead ask yourself what you can do to improve ourselves and make them have a great experience when interacting with us.

Self criticism is one great way of taking control of our lives and constantly improving on who we are as people……

so, what do you need to improve on as a person?

write it down, share it with a friend and make a commitment to continually work on the issue no matter what it takes.

About the Author: Arum The Champ is a blogger who writes mostly about how people (should) behave on twitter. You can find his hilarious writing at The Rare Champ

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How to be Single During the Holidays


by Kay Winders

The holidays are a great time to be with the people you love. For many people, this means spending time with their husband or wife and their children. For many, it means spending time with their extended family, including those near and far.

For singles, the holidays can be a bittersweet time. It can be both a joyous time and a lonely time. By seeing everyone else with their spouses and their children, you may start dwelling on the fact that you are not with anyone. Add to that the inevitable questions, comments, or outright pressure you may face from family and friends about why you’re still single or just when you’re going to get married or have kids.

It doesn’t have to be this way. There are a few ways that you can get through the holiday season and make it just as fun and joyous not just in spite of your single status, but because of it. Here’s how to be single (and fabulous) at the holidays:

Spend Time with Other Singles

When you spend all your time with families and married couples, you may end up comparing your situation to theirs and feeling worse about your situation than you need to feel. You also might face the inevitable barrage of questions about your single status, which can annoy you and make you feel worse.

Don’t subject yourself to that. Instead, choose to spend the majority of your time around other singles. These are people who can commiserate with you about being single — or celebrate how fabulous it is to be single.

Attend Lots of Parties

Parties aren’t just a great way to celebrate the holiday season — they are also a great way to meet new people and to take your mind off things (like how you’re going to deal with your mother asking you why you still haven’t had a baby). You never know: You also just might meet someone fabulous at one of the parties!

Of course, not all parties are going to lift your spirits. If the invite comes from a married couple with kids, chances are that the other guests will also be married or have kids. Being around a lot of couples may only remind you of your single status — or bring obnoxious questions. Better to stick to parties with other singles, young people, or co-workers.

Host Your Own Party

Don’t wait to be asked to the dance — host your own! Hosting your own party can make you feel fun, popular, and loved — all the things you might not be feeling without a mate at your side during the holidays. Throw your own party and invite all your friends and co-workers. You’ll be too busy kissing under the mistletoe and singing Christmas carols to worry about why you’re single (or if it matters).

Have a Sense of Humor

Instead of getting defensive or angry at the inevitable questions you will get about your single status — “Do you think you’ll ever get married?” “Aren’t you worried it will be too late to have kids?” — adopt a sense of humor about it. Don’t honor the questions with genuine answers. Say things like, “No, I’m too young to get married” (even if you’re 50) or “Oh, man, I forgot that I need to have kids! I better make an appointment to do that next week.”

Of course, you’ll have to temper your humor for your audience. While you do want to deflect questions and make light of the situation, you don’t want to create a holiday rumble at the dinner table.

Remember the Benefits

One of the best ways to get through the holidays when you’re single is to remember all the reasons it’s great to be single. Think about it: You don’t have to argue about whose family you will visit for Christmas dinner. You don’t have to suffer unbearable in-laws. You can sleep in any day you want. You don’t have to put up a Christmas tree or decorations if you don’t want to. You can eat pumpkin pie and eggnog every day for breakfast if you want.

Being single means doing what you want when you want. Remember that and do something fun!

The holidays don’t have to be a lonely time or a dreaded time in which you subject yourself to even more questions about why you’re still not married. Use these tips to get you through the holidays so that it’s a fun and festive time for you, too — single or not.

How do you get through the holidays when you’re single? Share your tips in the comments!

About the Author: Kay Winders is presently the resident writer for www.badcreditloans.org, where she researches the best way for people to pay off their debts without damaging their credit. In her spare time, she enjoys freelance writing, the beach and gardening.

I am Angry


by Fancy Face

I am angry. I have been angry almost all my life. This year I decided to deal with the real issues. Go back to where it all began; release. As part of letting go of my anger, I’ve decided to talk, and even though I remain anonymous, at least it’s a step… AND A BIG ONE for me.

You know what pisses me off?… Pedophiles, child rapists: Like how in the world with all the women running around loose, do you look at an 8 year old and get an arousal and even plan how you’re going to have your way with her. How in your twisted mind do you picture you inserting your full blown hard on in to her tiny Vagina…? What kind of sick person are you to get an arousal just by staring at her tiny tiny tits, things that do not even qualify to be called boobs because frankly they look like deflated pimples.

In what world do such people think it’s okay for you to take advantage of a child that loves you, with all the innocence that kids have, a child who cared deeply enough for you to call you UNCLE! Or is it because in all this innocence she decided to be coming to your house to help you do the dishes, because at even such a tender age of 8, she realized ‘unco’ is too busy to do dishes so she helped out. Did her undertaking these chores paint the evil image in your mind that she could be wife-able… such that you even imagine fucking the innocence out of her is a good idea?

I’m angry. I’m angry at horny dysfunctional house girls who think that they can get satisfaction by fucking the boss’ baby every day when she’s away at work. I’m angry that they get to get away with this because the nine year old child is too scared to speak – because you made her kneel down every day to ask God for forgiveness after fucking her to you fulfillment. Don’t watchmen love house helps? Or was that child the safer bet because she wouldn’t get her pregnant? And isn’t the joy of coitus the penetrations? How is humping a little girl’s pussy any satisfaction?

I’m angry… Angry at that teacher in Boarding School who thought it was appropriate to caress a student’s butt in the name of preparing it for caning … Feeling her tiny ass with your hands, are you looking for cancerous lumps or something? Doesn’t your wife at home sort out your needs? If not I’m sure there are many women out there wiling to sort you out? A student, surely what kinds of demons dwell within you!

I’m angry that this child did not have the courage to speak to anyone when all this happened because she was afraid; afraid of being judged, afraid of not being believed. Afraid because, as Africans we have not raised our children in this manner – to dialogue, about things that disturb them, things they go through every day.

I have forgiven, but not forgotten. And frankly I do not think such acts can be forgotten. You learn to live with them, to block it out each day and act like it never happened. But I got tired of pretending all is well with me; because on the outside I was this bubbly person, but on the inside I was broken, hurting, furious…. DAMAGED!

So I’m sorry if my anger bothers the world… But the world hasn’t exactly been kind to me either. My only regret is that it bothers such people, people I care about- for such people I chose to deal with this anger, asked God for help and let it go. Let it all go because walking around with such burdens took a toll on me. I want to be free. I want to believe that there’s a reason and a purpose this happened to me, and one day it will all make sense.

Someone told me that everyone has their own time of healing/ dealing. Some take a day others a lifetime. We are all different. But I know and believe that someday I’ll look back and not be angry; pain yes, but not anger. And that day is coming because I finally decided to accept what happened and move past it. All I need is TIME. As unknown wise man once said;

‘”You cannot put a Band-Aid on every boo-boo you’ve made, some just need time to heal ~ Unknown”

About the Author: Fancy Face is a very good friend of mine who wants to remain anonymous. If you think she should grace this space again with another post, let her know in the comments section.

Knee –jerks from a Burlesque Writer


By Akhatenje

  1. Read bad books.
  2. Read very bad books.
  3. Read good books.
  4. Read very good books.
  5. Do not kiss a published author’s ass, especially if you have not read his or her book.
  6. Prudishness is not your friend. Do not be a prude.

Prude: noun (disapproving) a person that you think is too easily shocked by things connected with sex.

Prudery: noun (formal, disapproving) the attitude or behaviour of people who seem very easily shocked by things connected with sex.

Prudish: adjective (disapproving) very easily shocked by things connected with sex.

-Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary-

  1. Do not embarrass yourself with bad grammar. Good grammar matters. Forget what the idiota who failed English tells you about language being a versatile slut that can be pimped with abandon.
  2. Edit your own work. Do not ask, “What is the work of an editor, then?” Editors will lick your boots if you submit clean copy.
  3. Take advice and criticism like a man. Do not scratch it with your nails like a woman.
  4. Buy an English dictionary at Bookpoint on Moi Avenue…or any other bookshop. But I highly recommend Bookpoint because it smells and looks as disorganised as a real bookshop should, ladders included. Dictionaries have words. A writer lives on words.
  5. Talk to your demons. They have good story ideas.

About the Author: Akhatenje is crazy (in a good way). There are bad bloggers, bloggers, good bloggers, poor writers, writers, great writers and akhatenje. I am not even worthy to pick the lid of her pen if it falls. Very few are in her league and if you doubt me, look at some of her work here. While you are at it, you may want to look at spikey 58 poetry contest here and here.

Spikey 58 Poetry Contest


Dear poets,

The first Bullet Pen poetry contest is here. This is in conjunction with and in pleasant memory of The Princess Project Kenya and in honour of the benefits of collaborative writing which include our good friend Stephen Derwent Partington who donated copies of his book to The Princess Project Kenya.

Peace!

Peace!

Peace!

Three times peace!

Peace is the theme of this Spikey 58!

Submission Rules

  • Poems, only, should be submitted to this contest.
  • All poems should carry the theme, peace.
  • Each poet submits one poem.
  • Language: English. If a poem is written in another language, it should be accompanied with an English translation.
  • Font type: Book Antiqua
  • Font size: 12
  • Do not justify your poem.
  • Email your submission to bulletpen@lesleighinc.com as a Microsoft Word 97-2003 attachment.

Deadline for submissions is 23rd November 2012.

The judges of the contest are Stephen Derwent Partington, poet, poetry editor and author of How to Euthanise a Cactus, and Kevin Orato a poet who reads too much poetry for his own good and has developed a commendable aversion to performance poetry.

 

PRIZES: The best five poems by the best five poets will each win a copy of How to Euthanise a Cactus by Stephen Derwent Partington.

 

The shortlist will be published on this website on 30th November 2012 and the winners will be announced on 7th December 2012.

FIERY RED WARNING: Friends, nuclear family members, boyfriends and/or girlfriends, children, cats, dogs, fishes, cows and robots of Lesleigh Inc staff should not participate in the Spikey 58 contest.

 

CONTEST IS OPEN ONLY TO POETS RESIDING IN  KENYA.

(c) Lesleigh Inc

Strawberry Smoothie


By Gatuiri

Greatrnk tells me that I can write a guest post and I get confused, reason being I blog about food. I’m not sure if his readers are interested in food but hey we all eat so it wouldn’t be that bad. Now the next issue was trying to get a recipe that would be appropriate. I settled on making a smoothie, nothing beats this when it comes to healthy and quick breakfast fixes.

You spend more time washing and hulling (removing the green leaves and the top off the strawberries) than making the actual smoothie.

Ingredients:

8-10 medium sized strawberries, hulled and halved

1/2 cup milk

1 cup yogurt, I used vanilla

1 scoop vanilla ice cream

The ingredients

Basically, this is a two step recipe;

Pour all the ingredients in the blender.

strawberries and milk

then I added the yogurt and the ice cream

Blend for about 3 minutes and voila, breakfast!!

Serve chilled.

I topped mine with some vanilla ice cream.

smoothie 🙂

The beauty of this recipe is that you can alter it to suit your tastes buds. You can added chunks of two very ripe bananas and reduce the number of strawberries  to make a banana smoothie.

About the author: Gatuiri aka leotunapika is a newly wed who loves cooking, photography and making cards.

Underwear Talk


By beenduta

I am in a matatu, seated between two young girls, who are talking to each other. I might as well have been a chair or (personal favourite) a ball of air. I wondered why one of them couldn’t move so that they could say whatever they wanted to comfortably, instead of shifting words to and fro, right in front of my face. Their weaves had a shine, made worse by the neon lights in the jav. They had very tiny tops (barely covering their derrieres) and these sheer stockings that would tear at the slightest touch. How they pulled off keeping them intact was beyond me, considering the appearance of the matatu, but I digress…

After singing along to every riddim playing on the stereo, the conversation kicked in.

You know, I need new underwear,” One (let’s call her Joy- she laughed a lot) says.

Me too. I no longer have going-out underwear,” replies Mariah (Pronounced Mrs. Cannon’s way)

She had me at going-out underwear. The urge to interrupt was profound: What do you mean by going-out underwear? And who is your mother?

Before you judge me, my mother taught me to always have clean and presentable underwear every day- whether you are in the house, or you are going to the market, or worse, when you are going to the hospital for an injection. No one knows what will happen along the way. To use her words ‘you may fall down right in front of your future father-in-law, with the hem of your skirt over your head.

So here I am in a jav, listening to two youngins (they looked nothing above 22) talking –no, shouting over the music- of going-out underwear. In my mind, I am rummaging through my underwear drawer: check, check and definitely check! Then I am reminded of one Crazy Nairobian’s Types of Underwear and I understand the ‘going-out’ underwear.

When I am back to reality, Joy is saying something about buying a number of thongs and cotton boxers. Mariah is busy nodding her head, swishing her perfumed weave over her bare shoulders. At this juncture, I have just about had it. And as if the universe hears me, a passenger some seats in front alights- see what wearing good underwear does to you, girls (insert diva snap) – I run and ‘grab’ that seat before someone else does.

As the matatu moves, and an old guy gets in; I look at the girls, look at him and I feel a sense of profound pity.

About the Author: Beenduta is a writer and a poet. You can find some of her work at Bee Illustrated