Is She It?


You think you have it all, then you get an Einstein moment and discover that all you have is you, nothing more, probably a lot less – Greatrnk

 

One day when I was busy doing nothing and basically minding my own business…….wait, I think I was actually asleep, the guy upstairs nyemele-ad my room, stole one of my twenty four ribs and gave it to someone else. I am apparently supposed to look for this lucky girl with my rib. I hope she is hot, and not Chinese. If she is Chinese, I will not be able to find the one who has my rib even if I was given a photo…..they all look alike!

Sometime last year, I met someone I thought was THE ONE FOR ME. The one with my rib. Like everyone else who is meant for Someone X, she was taken by Someone Y! There are some lucky bastards dudes with girls who have other guy’s ribs because the ones with their ribs are not hot. Bastards because we will one day find our ribs and lucky because we will probably have failed to carry our semi-automatics!!

There is that time when you will meet a girl and you will be like “IS SHE IT?” “IT” is short for THE ONE which is short for THE ONE WITH MY RIB! Have I given enough hints to the gays who are reading this that there is nothing for them here? I hope I have! Anyway, after ascertaining that she is the one, the two of you will start dating, and that is when you will actually prove that SHE IS IT, and the IT is a short form of another word, probably one that ends with those letters. To put it in another way, some of her actions will leave you with the words IS SHE IT! (which is same as ISSHT!) in your mouth. Note that IS SHE IT! and IS SHE IT? mean two different things. Here are a few statements by girls/wives/mistresses that leave their boyfriends/husbands/mpango wa candles with the words IS SHE IT! in their mouths……instead of IS SHE IT? of course!

1. Honey, can we talk?

If you are a guy, you are not getting out of this one alive. She actually means “We have to argue and I must win!” Many guys have lost half of their fortune as a result of a divorce whose fire was started by those seemingly harmless words as two sticks rubbing each other. The only way to get out of it is to come up with an urgent thing to do, there and then……even if it means setting up the antennae so that it can finally show the channel with the soap she loves. (It should not be so hard, considering you are the one who tempered with it in the first place. That does not mean you do not take your sweet time!)

2. Not today……..I have a headache/I am tired

#That is all……wait, I thought Scientists say the activity relieves pain and is relaxing. No more comments here.

3. Do you think I look fat in this (clothing)….?

Another lose-lose situation for the guy, it does not matter how you answer this one, you have already lost! If you answer YES, you will be taken to trial, and the lenient sentence is a year without getting any {attention} ! NO will be met by “Why did you hesitate” etc. My guess is that the correct response is ignoring you ever heard her utter a word in your direction. Any attempt for the question to be repeated should be met by you almost dying as you choke on something……your saliva can be of help here.

4. Do you think she is pretty?

If any guy could answer that question honestly, the answer will most likely be: “Of Course!” but that will land you in troubleland. The worst thing about this question is not the fact that you have to be dishonest, but mainly because it will lead to other questions that will lead to #3 above, that will eventually lead to #1 when you reach home, and the punishment will be #2!

5. I just want us to be friends

This means “Go ask Him where He put your rib, you @$#%^&$%#! If He is sure it is me, come, take it and get the hell out of my life!” Too bad most guys interpret this as “If you try harder….you never know”

6. You forgot?

You are in trouble. It does not matter what you forgot, it may be the first-time-you-were-rained-together anniversary, the first-argument-you-had anniversary or any other stupid anniversary. The fact that you forgot, is punishable.

7. I love that…..

This is enough hint of what she wants for her birthday, Valentines day or the other stupid anniversaries, whichever is less than a month away. It matters less if it is the Nokia N8 that she will only use to call or text other guys, you are apparently supposed to get it for her!

8. Do you love me?

Seriously, what kind of a question is this?

9. I missed my periods…

The only way this can be good news is if you two are actually married, otherwise….hehehehehehe (my guy, why did you not use protection?)

10. I missed my periods, it is not yours….

You are caught between celebrating (that the kid is not yours) and being annoyed that she has been cheating on you.

11. I missed my periods, it is not yours, it is your best friend’s!

IS SHE IT!!!!!

THE DAY’S:

Quote: If you have not passed the devil on this road we call life…It is probably because you are all going in the same direction – Jasper

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28 thoughts on “Is She It?

  1. isht! Wow….why is it that bachelors, you and Maina Kageni included have the best advice on relationships?

      • This was a very well written piece, and it was actually entertaining.

        I do not agree with you on this ‘relationships are for sissies’ response.

        Relationships are not for sissies, but for the courageous ones. They know that the road is not easy, and they still take it with bravery. If you ask me, relationships are for the strong-hearted, people with confidence, courage and a lot of hope. In addition to the three, it is also for people who believe in coming up with solutions (since ladies have a lot of issues to be solved!) and people ready to be alive.

        On the other hand, those who shy away from relationships are the sissies, they cannot handle any issue and are cowards! They are not ready to be men with responsibilities. They want to hide and be ‘comfortable’ in their little selfish worlds, or on the other side, be reckless and reaping pleasure from every one willing to give it away. The latter is the kind that even finds it hard to settle down in marriage later, while the former are the ones who run to courts for divorce after three months in marriage!

        Let me state that this is my opinion, which could be very wrong from someone else’s point of view, including yours.

  2. Pingback: The Best of The Greatrnk « The Greatrnk

  3. #2 is some bullshit! Women always saying ”oh, we can multitask this and that and guys cannot,”
    How comes then none of them can have a headache and play with Peppermint Pete at the same damn time?!

  4. Pingback: The Greatrnk Appraisal | The Greatrnk

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