Knee –jerks from a Burlesque Writer


By Akhatenje

  1. Read bad books.
  2. Read very bad books.
  3. Read good books.
  4. Read very good books.
  5. Do not kiss a published author’s ass, especially if you have not read his or her book.
  6. Prudishness is not your friend. Do not be a prude.

Prude: noun (disapproving) a person that you think is too easily shocked by things connected with sex.

Prudery: noun (formal, disapproving) the attitude or behaviour of people who seem very easily shocked by things connected with sex.

Prudish: adjective (disapproving) very easily shocked by things connected with sex.

-Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary-

  1. Do not embarrass yourself with bad grammar. Good grammar matters. Forget what the idiota who failed English tells you about language being a versatile slut that can be pimped with abandon.
  2. Edit your own work. Do not ask, “What is the work of an editor, then?” Editors will lick your boots if you submit clean copy.
  3. Take advice and criticism like a man. Do not scratch it with your nails like a woman.
  4. Buy an English dictionary at Bookpoint on Moi Avenue…or any other bookshop. But I highly recommend Bookpoint because it smells and looks as disorganised as a real bookshop should, ladders included. Dictionaries have words. A writer lives on words.
  5. Talk to your demons. They have good story ideas.

About the Author: Akhatenje is crazy (in a good way). There are bad bloggers, bloggers, good bloggers, poor writers, writers, great writers and akhatenje. I am not even worthy to pick the lid of her pen if it falls. Very few are in her league and if you doubt me, look at some of her work here. While you are at it, you may want to look at spikey 58 poetry contest here and here.

Spikey 58 Poetry Contest


Dear poets,

The first Bullet Pen poetry contest is here. This is in conjunction with and in pleasant memory of The Princess Project Kenya and in honour of the benefits of collaborative writing which include our good friend Stephen Derwent Partington who donated copies of his book to The Princess Project Kenya.

Peace!

Peace!

Peace!

Three times peace!

Peace is the theme of this Spikey 58!

Submission Rules

  • Poems, only, should be submitted to this contest.
  • All poems should carry the theme, peace.
  • Each poet submits one poem.
  • Language: English. If a poem is written in another language, it should be accompanied with an English translation.
  • Font type: Book Antiqua
  • Font size: 12
  • Do not justify your poem.
  • Email your submission to bulletpen@lesleighinc.com as a Microsoft Word 97-2003 attachment.

Deadline for submissions is 23rd November 2012.

The judges of the contest are Stephen Derwent Partington, poet, poetry editor and author of How to Euthanise a Cactus, and Kevin Orato a poet who reads too much poetry for his own good and has developed a commendable aversion to performance poetry.

 

PRIZES: The best five poems by the best five poets will each win a copy of How to Euthanise a Cactus by Stephen Derwent Partington.

 

The shortlist will be published on this website on 30th November 2012 and the winners will be announced on 7th December 2012.

FIERY RED WARNING: Friends, nuclear family members, boyfriends and/or girlfriends, children, cats, dogs, fishes, cows and robots of Lesleigh Inc staff should not participate in the Spikey 58 contest.

 

CONTEST IS OPEN ONLY TO POETS RESIDING IN  KENYA.

(c) Lesleigh Inc

Registrars’ Strike vs Threats – Whose Fault is it?


By the Secretary General, University of Nairobi Medical Students

We have seen lecturers, teachers, nurses and now doctors in all levels (interns, registrars, MOs, and doctors themselves) strike for better working conditions and better pay. But why do doctors have to fight for their pay yet no one can work for free? Has society and culture made us feel that wanting to earn a living should dictate our choice of profession? The so called “noble” professions are seemingly not so any more. They more than most are repeatedly taking to the streets demanding better pay and improved working conditions. “Who is to blame?” we ask; and then we quickly point fingers at each other. The Ministry of Medical Services wants Kenyans to perceive it as immoral and selfish for doctors to go on strike. In my point of view, there are two ways to look at it:

  1. Either our society had become so materialistic that it reflects clearly on these professions OR

  2. . The leadership of our country is becoming questionable in its priorities regarding public interest.

OUR GOVERNMENT’S EXTRAVAGANCE

So maybe doctors are being immoral and selfish. But if doctors are as we judge them, could it not be that it is because of what our leaders expose us to as a nation: Kshs. 400 million vice-presidential mansions, gas guzzlers whose weekly fuel needs could power a small village for a day or twenty, exotic vacations at the sunniest sandiest resorts at the coast, Kshs. 200,000 seats – that are used for only a few hours every week… And as if to mock our collective intelligence, the speaker of the National Assembly goes ahead to say that MPs should receive a salary increment because they are “…paid peanuts…” Such extravagance is not just limited to the August house. At the recently concluded London Olympics, Kenya sent 32 world-class Olympians – whose glory was then watered down by a whopping 200 officials in the name of support. Said supporters were nowhere to be seen when our sportsmen and women needed a much needed morale boost. In fact, the officials apparently travelled earlier to Bristol leaving a part of the team behind training. If provided with this evidence, and that of the countless scandals through which our leaders have siphoned off billions of taxpayer money, the average Kenyan would infer that there is in fact more than enough money to cater for the needs of this country, or that the little that should get the job done is being stolen as they watch.

In light of the government’s extravagance I am forced to ask myself whether the priorities of the government are in the right place.

THE LONG AND TEDIOUS JOURNEY OF A MEDIC

Currently the longest undergraduate degree to qualify for in Kenya is the medical one. It takes 6 years for one to become a general practitioner, who while very capable of addressing a majority of ordinary health concerns, has no capacity to deliver specialized care. For one to acquire specialist skills takes another 4 – 5 years of post-graduate training (compare with 3 – 4 years undergraduate degree training and 2 years post graduate training in most other disciplines- with the option of working, since most of these programs are evening classes).

In Kenya, admission to a post-graduate program in medicine requires at the very least, an impressive academic record and excellent clinical skills. In Kenya, one must either be government or self-sponsored. To receive government sponsorship, one must work for at least 2 years in the public sector before being considered eligible.

After having spent 6 years in undergraduate training, a 2 year hiatus followed by 5 more years of intensive full-time training might appear too great a sacrifice. This, together with the competitiveness of earning government sponsorship (and the demand for specialists) leads many a student to choose to fund their postgraduate training. Once admitted, the registrar- as the post-graduate student is now called; begins a journey of apprenticeship and ceaseless practice. Inasmuch as they are taught through instruction and demonstration, a large part of the learning experience at this level is practice. In simple terms, registrars perform most of the procedures in teaching hospitals. In spite of the patient being charged for these procedures, the registrars receive no pay for the service they render.

In total, one will spend between 11 and 13 years between beginning medical school and becoming a specialist in a medical field in Kenya. During this time, one – who might be married and have started a family- will not have earned a single cent from applying their skills.

But enough of all this immorality and selfishness – wherever it may come from. Something is a-festering somewhere methinks, and someone should attend it soon.

A BIG PROBLEM

In the recent months, we have seen how much more it would cost us if Kenya failed as a nation. In Mombasa, the youth – turned mercenaries – resorted to treasonous acts and hurled grenades at their countrymen. The very fabric of patriotism unravelled as they kissed the foreign hand that fed them, and bit the cruel hand that bred them. It is said that their thirty pieces of silver were a paltry ten dollars per grenade. Everywhere in Kenya these past two weeks, doctors, teachers and lecturers have abandoned their posts in actions that popular opinion would call heretical. Apparently, the care of the sick and the education of a nation’s youth cannot be abandoned at any cost. Apparently also, patriotism and all things black, red and green are immutable, blood-borne and forever. Why then are our young people so easily sold to the enemy? Why then are the most noble of our public servants so ready to leave their posts? If the government will not respect a (self) empowered group such as lecturers, doctors and teachers- in terms of education level, work ethic in building the society and appreciation by the society; how much less can they care about as vulnerable a group as the youth who unfortunately may not have the same opportunities? It goes beyond just immoral and selfish medics Mr. Nyong’o. It goes down to the fundamentals of the government that you represent to protect the rights of its honourable citizens. And so we are frustrated and angry and abandon principle.

Is there a country in the world that doesn’t pay its registrars? In Malawi, interns are given free housing. Hasn’t Rwanda, a country that is yet two decades old from being war torn, ensured that they treat the healthcare industry much better? Aren’t there on going, serious violations of rights to health (especially maternal and child health) in Kenya due to its policies- perhaps the reason why the country’s maternal and under 5s mortality rates are barely improving? Of poor policies, hadn’t our current National health policy become outdated in 2002? It is the job of the government to spearhead these policies. There are not enough paediatricians and obstetricians (both post graduate degrees) at rural levels yet Mr. Nyong’o can’t help but fire those in training. Instead, isn’t it only rational to motivate Kenyans to empower themselves into taking up these responsibilities? They want it to seem that healthcare practitioners issue threats, yet, it is them who passively threaten everyone.

Private Doctors are concentrated in major cities of Kenya. There is a siege of highly qualified doctors in the environs around Kenyatta National Hospital (still a result of poor government policies). They are operational. Maybe this is the reason why Mr. Nyong’o is not shaken. He either visits these doctors or flies off to America for treatment. Never the government hospitals he represents. What does that say of his faith in a Ministry he heads? Can it be he asks himself for what reason is there to educate our own if the policies the Ministry made aren’t meant to function? Leaders lead by example- it is implicit. Can we really afford to be led to follow considering the evidence that the government’s priorities are not in its people’s welfare?

No matter which way one looks at it Mr. Nyong’o, governance is to blame. I only have two questions for you Mr. Minister: If you had the choice of picking any government profession in the current situation of our country (on condition that you are not to pick your current one). Which one would you? Would you then be ecstatic and thrilled to build the nation for free?

About the Author: The Secretary General, University of Nairobi Medical Students

4 Facts about Actuarial Science


It is easier to become a professor in Actuarial Science than become an actuary – Dr. F. Onyango.

One day as I did what I know best – which is to mind my own business – I was punished by being the proud person to overhear two grown, educated men talk like it was a crime to be intelligent. Sample this:

MAN A: District X produces the creme de la creme students in the country. It has produced over 6,000 actuarialists (sic).

MAN B: They are called Actuarial  Engineers or Scientists!

I had to interject to save myself from all this non sense.

ME: They are called actuaries and I highly doubt…

Just before I had spat out my two sense, I was cut short by…

MAN B: Sasa wewe kijana unafikiri sisi tulizaliwa jana?*

I immediately got an urge to die a natural death or if not to atleast puke to save myself from any more B.S from these two guys. The questions that will always linger in my mind are: Why were stones wasted on Stephen (the first martyr) when we have worthy contenders for the price of Stoning? Why could not the killers of Tupac spare him and kill guys who are worthy to die for their chupidness? Since those two men could not listen to me as I had been born yesterday, I will atleast speak to you because, like me, you were born yesterday as the proud son/daughter of Mr and Mrs. Intelligence!

Here are a few facts about Actuarial Science:

1. Advice to kids in high school who want to be actuaries: If at one time in your life you hated mathematics (even for just one lesson), do yourself a favour and look for another career. The commandments that you need to follow to become anything near an actuary are just three: Love Mathematics as you love yourself. Love Calculus as above and Love Probability as above. If you still feel that with your small hate for mathematics, you can still cope, then go ahead. It is anyone’s duty to warn any kid of the consequences of a sharp blade. It is more fun to watch the spoilt little brat kid (if he is not your own) cry after the blade has cut him though.

2. In order to be an actuary, you have to pass some very difficult exams. Ask anyone who has attempted them and they will tell you how easy it is to fail when you have read, crammed and mastered everything concerning a particular paper. If you have not done the above three, you will UNDOUBTEDLY FAIL! Having a first class in Actuarial Science does not make you an actuary!

3. Numbers: Based on 1 and 2 above, it is highly unlikely that a certain district in the country can produce 6,000 actuaries. Infact, the number of students who have graduated with an Actuarial degree in East and Central Africa is less than 6,000. (these are no where near being called actuaries). More puzzling is the fact that there are less than 35,000 actuaries in the world! I hope there are others in other planets. Compare that with the over 300,000 teachers in Kenya alone. There are less than 15 actuaries in Kenya. (the actual figure is 11 but I have decided to add 4 incase 1 or 2 qualify in the next few years). Of these, only one did not study abroad. In summary, after completing your Actuarial degree, you have a 1 in 1000 chance of being an actuary. The probability of death is about 9 in 1000. which means you are more likely to die than to qualify as an actuary!

4. Having said that, being an Actuary is the best job . It was named the best career of 2007, and has been ranked atleast in the top 4 in the last 6 years. Find other honours here.

Also read Actuarial Science in Kenya by Lucy Muthoni.

THE DAY’S

NOTE: Elizur Wright is considered by many as the father of Actuaries/Actuarial Science. You can read about him here

Quote: click here and here

Disclaimer: Once in a while I think about semi-serious stuff. This was one of those whiles.

*Young man, do you think we were born yesterday?