The Greatrnk is 34,567,890 Seconds Old

Never awake me when you have good news to announce, because with good news nothing presses; but when you have bad news, arouse me immediately, for then there is not an instant to be lost – Napoleon

I am afraid I am in the (un)enviable situation of bearing both bad and good news. In the few times I have been (un)fortunate to be in the same situation, I have more often than not started with the bad, but not on a beautiful sunny day such as this. Today I start with the good.

 On a day like this one, exactly about a year ago, I mumbled a few words and came up with my first post that I called Introduction or Int-or-duction. What I am trying to say is that I am a year old in blogging! On that note, I will accept any form of gifts that you can give to a guy as I commemorate a year in blogging. Do not feel let down or be left behind, kindly send your gift via m-pesa to 0725 94 02 94 and you stand a chance to win NOTHING!!! If you are a stalker, that is cool of you, I do not mind you. But start by sending a text and soon you will learn how the stalker can become the stalkee.

I am made to understand that I am supposed to say thank you to the beautiful people who have stood by me through the bad and good times. Come on guys, The Greatrnk is celebrating one Year! This is a day about ME, not those who made me what I am! In any case, what is the part for the bad news for?

The last year was GREAT! The humbling moment of it all was winning a blog contest barely four months after I started blogging. People, do not be afraid and/or ashamed to clap for me! That was no mean feat, and so I advice all my haters, that they have nothing on me, and if they think they do, they should start a blog, compete in a competition and win. I will save them some competition by not competing.

In the course of the year, I successfully managed to inspire various people to start blogging. They know themselves. I normally look from a far at what they are upto and smile like a proud daddy (even though some of them are really hot and ……. So I guess I will change the phrase to “proud brother who is not related to them” so that I do not blow my chances of ……). Those spaces are full of innocent words, get your mind off the gutter (and bring it here)

Over the last month, I have held back emotions (focus people, I am a guy and the only emotions I know are of violence and anger) when people have used various means at their disposal to say nice things about my blog. I am sure some of you secretly told me my posts are bad, but at least you did not let me hear you say that, mainly because you were afraid of the repercussions i.e your face bashing itself against my clenched fist at a speed likely to beat light at its own game. Every positive comment over the last month about my blog has been like a stab which hurt and I will explain why in a short while.

 My journey in blogging started by me being inspired and learning from one of the best bloggers Kenya has ever produced. I spent a whole three months (before I penned down any post) reading every post he had ever written and what he was writing. I am not like nowaday kids who stumble upon a blog post and before finishing reading the post, they have one of their own. Then they will go ahead and write things like “AM” as the short form of “I am” and fill their posts with “lol” and some other bullcrap that makes my blood pressure rise higher than fuel prices. It is no secret then that the first person that is in the thank list is of course none other than the deserving Chiira who used to blog in four places but now he is only based at The Trot and the Run.

 I must thank everyone who was kind enough to do a guest post on my blog. Here is to these great bloggers Justalffie, Beenduta, Cdooh, Nkirdizzle, Young Joey, Deestinguished, Pre7amer, lon’s draft, livie_livia, savvykenya just to mention. On the same note, I would also like to thank The Princess Project for the lovely partnership we have.

 I wish to thank anyone who said something in the comments section, however good or bad. Your comments were appreciated so much. It is only fair if I mention Samkeige aka CMB aka Prezzo (not Ngechu, but Ngechu will definitely be impressed by this CMB’s swag) for posting the first ever comment. Though to this day, I still do not know what he was talking about in the comment. Savvykenya, Joe_kirigia, Beenduta, Chiira, Deestinguished, Edoan, Joliea, Lucy, Langi, lon draft, livie_livia, itsnowrc, Diasporadical, wakarima, Angelduh, antae, bmahasi, buggz, cdohnio, justalffie, littleginik, Sala, magizani, anyixbaby, nkirdizzle, shuhi, sk8rrboi, Edward, ivoryconfessions, mobkay, iro, ngina95, coloseum and many many more, I cannot thank you enough.

 A host of you have been silently reading, and are truly huge huge fans thank you so much. I must mention Kevmotz, Ndubiabenga, Simalo, Ratia_Tee, Missmwangi, antwarogue, msupastar, riqoz, annesalyve, amon, jules, Bonybambino, medicalquizez, aizoo22, lawrence mwangi, angelshekaza, swirrytwix, davemunyao, hascol, posh, polo, hov and many many more, I will remain indebted to you.

 Due to space, I could not mention everyone who has, for some reason contributed to the growth of this blog both positively and negatively. Due to my laziness, I was not able to put links to the above mentioned heroes, but I used their twitter handles (atleast those that are on twitter). Since today is Friday, you can go ahead and follow them .

 Having thanked everyone, I now come to the bad news. The reason why the last month has been hard for me is because all along, I have known what is to happen today. And no, I am neither talking about the end of the World, nor Itsnowrc’s birthday. The first person I told these news actually knelt down, weeping and begging me to reconsider my stand and that she would “do anything”. Stupid me, I should have ceased the opportunity and/to ask her to marry me (just to see her reaction). Instead, I chose not to tell anyone till today. Ladies and gentlemen who hate me and (mainly because of) my blog, I will reduce your suffering on Earth by officially retiring from blogging with immediate effect!

 There is no error in the sentence above. However, I will do guest posts for anyone who wants one, just hit me up at greatrnk@gmail.com or greatrnk on twitter. I will also be happy to host anyone on my blog on any topic. On that note, my partnership with the princess project will still continue, meaning about every week, I will be posting a post from them as I have always done. I also have several guest posts that I will post, and I will ask anyone who feels philanthropic to do a testimonial guest post as a befitting goodbye to yours truly. From time to time, and when I am inspired, I will be writing something and asking anyone who would honour me to post it in their beautiful/awesome blog. Or maybe I should just be selling it to the highest bidder.

There is no right time or way to say goodbye, but according to me, the right time is when you are still on top of your game, however bad your game was. Ladies, who love me and (mainly because of my) blog and gentlemen, until I decide to do a Jay-Z or Michael Jordan/Schumacher or George Foreman i.e come out of retirement, here is my bow, wave and the curtain closes as you do your standing ovation.

 THE DAY’S

Quotes

The first date is normally bad. Usually the girl is sensitive about food while the guy is sensitive about money. Here is a situation where the guy uses money to buy the girl food.

Imagine watching your wedding video backwards. I am sure you will love the bit where u take off the ring and walk out of the ceremony with your friends….

If you watch Oprah in reverse, it is about a woman who takes stuff away from crying people and feels so guilty she loses weight over it. – Mingus Mkubukeli