I am Angry

by Fancy Face

I am angry. I have been angry almost all my life. This year I decided to deal with the real issues. Go back to where it all began; release. As part of letting go of my anger, I’ve decided to talk, and even though I remain anonymous, at least it’s a step… AND A BIG ONE for me.

You know what pisses me off?… Pedophiles, child rapists: Like how in the world with all the women running around loose, do you look at an 8 year old and get an arousal and even plan how you’re going to have your way with her. How in your twisted mind do you picture you inserting your full blown hard on in to her tiny Vagina…? What kind of sick person are you to get an arousal just by staring at her tiny tiny tits, things that do not even qualify to be called boobs because frankly they look like deflated pimples.

In what world do such people think it’s okay for you to take advantage of a child that loves you, with all the innocence that kids have, a child who cared deeply enough for you to call you UNCLE! Or is it because in all this innocence she decided to be coming to your house to help you do the dishes, because at even such a tender age of 8, she realized ‘unco’ is too busy to do dishes so she helped out. Did her undertaking these chores paint the evil image in your mind that she could be wife-able… such that you even imagine fucking the innocence out of her is a good idea?

I’m angry. I’m angry at horny dysfunctional house girls who think that they can get satisfaction by fucking the boss’ baby every day when she’s away at work. I’m angry that they get to get away with this because the nine year old child is too scared to speak – because you made her kneel down every day to ask God for forgiveness after fucking her to you fulfillment. Don’t watchmen love house helps? Or was that child the safer bet because she wouldn’t get her pregnant? And isn’t the joy of coitus the penetrations? How is humping a little girl’s pussy any satisfaction?

I’m angry… Angry at that teacher in Boarding School who thought it was appropriate to caress a student’s butt in the name of preparing it for caning … Feeling her tiny ass with your hands, are you looking for cancerous lumps or something? Doesn’t your wife at home sort out your needs? If not I’m sure there are many women out there wiling to sort you out? A student, surely what kinds of demons dwell within you!

I’m angry that this child did not have the courage to speak to anyone when all this happened because she was afraid; afraid of being judged, afraid of not being believed. Afraid because, as Africans we have not raised our children in this manner – to dialogue, about things that disturb them, things they go through every day.

I have forgiven, but not forgotten. And frankly I do not think such acts can be forgotten. You learn to live with them, to block it out each day and act like it never happened. But I got tired of pretending all is well with me; because on the outside I was this bubbly person, but on the inside I was broken, hurting, furious…. DAMAGED!

So I’m sorry if my anger bothers the world… But the world hasn’t exactly been kind to me either. My only regret is that it bothers such people, people I care about- for such people I chose to deal with this anger, asked God for help and let it go. Let it all go because walking around with such burdens took a toll on me. I want to be free. I want to believe that there’s a reason and a purpose this happened to me, and one day it will all make sense.

Someone told me that everyone has their own time of healing/ dealing. Some take a day others a lifetime. We are all different. But I know and believe that someday I’ll look back and not be angry; pain yes, but not anger. And that day is coming because I finally decided to accept what happened and move past it. All I need is TIME. As unknown wise man once said;

‘”You cannot put a Band-Aid on every boo-boo you’ve made, some just need time to heal ~ Unknown”

About the Author: Fancy Face is a very good friend of mine who wants to remain anonymous. If you think she should grace this space again with another post, let her know in the comments section.


8 thoughts on “I am Angry

  1. am really happy you angry…but am so sure u will die with that anger coz yo work is to sit thea and get angry…time you get from tht anger zone and act …take an action,form a group of activist addressing that specific issue,do something…….then and only then will yo anger become valid

    yo welcome

  2. Its craizy, some people will do anything to satisfy their selfish desires even at the cost of someone else innocence. They dont care that they are subjecting their victim to a lifetime of emotional pain and psychological turmoil. But you must rise up from it all and refuse to let your life crumble on their account. You must be strong. Forgive, forget, because they dont deserve th kind of power you have given them over uo life. Refuse to be a prisoner of this anger that engulfs you. You deserve better. Stand up and go be the best. Am sorry for what happened to you.

  3. It takes time, patience and God working in us for healing to take place. I pray you be patient enough as God gives you the grace to FORGIVE and after that comes peace and joy both from within and without 🙂 …

  4. I’m angry too. for those of us with little kids, I wonder how else will I protect my kid. till now, I give everyone the doubt, no playing with my kid unsupervised no matter who you are.

  5. ” You learn to live with them, to block it out each day and act like it never happened. But I got tired of pretending all is well with me; because on the outside I was this bubbly person, but on the inside I was broken, hurting, furious…. DAMAGED!” this hits home for me. Rape is a horrible thing and you never get over it. Be angry am right there with you.

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