It was hot outside, really hot, when he got in the house that Saturday afternoon the first thing he thought of getting was a tall glass of ice cold water. It was awkward to have a visitor in the house, let alone a girl. This was Kevin’s first time to have someone other than the boys to come over. Sweaty palms and flustered from the walk from the matatu stage to the house, he opened the door and quite gentlemanly let her walk in first, then it hit him she doesn’t know where to leave her shoes and which door led to the sitting room. She stood there awkwardly for about a minute as he undid his laces and showed her to the living room. Open windows decked with blue flowered curtains, a well worn blue sofa set, and a cream-blue patterned carpet the living room was his abode. This was the preamble to a lovely afternoon they had together.
Kevin had been trying for quite a while to woo Suzie. It begun with the fear to talk to her and then they finally started talking as friends, but he was afraid of saying how he felt. The long and short of it was that she felt the same way and still they had a hard time talking about it. Kevin was a simple guy, brought up like most kids in a two family home, his dad came home late every night but somehow he had time to be home on Saturday afternoons and Sunday all day. Kevin doesn’t remember a day when he heard or saw his parents fight but neither does he remember seeing them go out, kiss, or express love in any form, holding hands, hugging, or whispering sweet nothings. They might have as well been brother and sister. Being the first born he didn’t have anyone to tell him how to approach a dating scenario. Getting to this point was purely by guesswork and self-teaching/peer-teaching.
He still remembers how he felt that first day she came over. 13 months later, he is sitting at the table in the small coffee house that they enjoyed visiting. He was quite antsy about this. She had asked that they meet up to “talk”
Suzie walked into the coffee shop and walked around, she didn’t see Kevin, so she reached into her handbag to get her phone and call him to ask him where he was. And just then she saw him. The last two months had been hard for her. She didn’t know how they got here, it had been lovely and rosy until about four months ago and she didn’t know what was causing him to be distant or what was causing her to worry so much.
Suzie was brought up by her single mother and she didn’t know her father. Mum was hard working but life had just dealt her a bad hand, maybe in her next life he will make it much better. Suzie had tried hard to keep pre-concieved notions of men because of her absentee father, she was now getting to the end of herself and just needed to know if Kevin was in for real or if it was all a farce to him. As they talked, she struggled and choked as she searched for the words to express how she felt. The fear, the anxiety, and emotional hole that was growing in her heart. “Will he ever get it?” she asked herself as she listened to her voice drone along.
Kevin was her man, and she didn’t want to lose him, but the time had come for a decision to be made. They had reached a fork in the road and didn’t know how this would pan out. As she finished, Kevin sat there and looked straight in her eyes. She was scared. Opening up wasn’t easy and she was afraid that she had let him in, and this last act of talking about her past was leaving her totally exposed. Now Kevin had two options as he saw it. This is where he realised he had found a friend. He needed to pull up his socks .
Now here’s the thing, he didn’t know how to be the best man for her. Suzie had just expressed her self so well and he didn’t get any of this growing up as a young man into and out of his teens. His dad in as much as he was there, wasn’t the best man at teaching “love languages”. Kevin opted to be equally open. Something that he had never done before. He chose to share equally his fears, he didn’t know how to love her as she expected but all he could do was what he knows and feels is the right way. And thus they entered the second phase of their relationship. It would be months before they had another talk like this, making it a great foundation for them to base their decisions on being together or not.
About the Author: SamKitots is a married man. He has known his wife (CateKits) for 9 years, dated for 5 and married for 4. For the past 5 years they have been involved in couples counseling, for both dating and married. They use real life experiences to mentor/counsel those that come their way. Follow @SamKitots for tips on spicing up your relationship to make it last (dating and marriage). Also check out his blog here.