She don’t believe in shootin’ stars,
but she believe in shoes & cars.
Wood floors in the new apartment,
couture from the store’s department
– Kanye West
Have you ever stopped to wonder why single people have the best advice on relationships? Well, it’s simple actually. You start by wondering then you get to a point and just decide to stop (wondering). So the other day, I was busy doing nothing and basically minding my own damn business as I usually do when out of nowhere, my intelligent friend ascofu comes up with a post advising ladies not to date certain people
who have characteristics similar to us. And for a while, I felt betrayed. Here is someone playing for your team but advising the opponents how best to beat your best defender etcetra etcetra. The wonderful captain that I am, I will try and help my team beat the opponents, though I must admit it will be difficult not only because of the secrets ascofu has shared but also because of the fact that I have never played for the other team. Gentlemen, I present the six women to avoid.
The Gold Digger aka Kardashian
If there was any justice in the world, we would have accomplished these two things: eliminated this species from the human race and eliminate idiots who need me to explain how bad this species is. For the sake of our great grand children who will hopefully grace the face of this planet when this species will have joined the dinosaurs and unwealthy MPs in the list of extinct things, I will briefly explain what they are. They are omnivorous, which means they eat everything. If they could, they would eat your money, but they do not since they have better use for it. You will pay all her bills, all her parents bills and her last born brother’s fees, sometimes without even knowing. The bad part is that you will not be the only man she is gold digging. The worst part is that she might be spending your money with another lazy idiot somewhere who has not job and lives a better life than you. Be careful Turkana folks, they are coming to oil dig you and I do not mean literally.
The Cinderella Girl
She spends half of her day watching those alejandro bull craps and expects a grown
@$$ African man to do those idiotic things in the name of crap she believes is love. The only prince charming on a white horse I have heard of is on that Dido song. If you get yourself this lady, it does not matter how you treat her. The benchmark is way too high for any living man. These are the girls who expect you to fly from where you work in Mombasa to bring her an umbrella in her office in Nairobi since it is raining. She expects you to love neither of these things: sports, alcohol and women. How in this day and age is it possible to not love at least one of those three things?
So you go out clubbing and you meet a girl for the first time and chipo her. It does not matter how good she was (in bedminton or in person), she is not girlfriend material. Do not, ever, call her unless you are asking what you are to do with her passport that she accidentally left at your place. In short, if she holds the record of the shortest time between meeting and bedding, she is a no-no. Period!
The Super Hot Girl
Now, I know you are confused, but let me explain. There are hot girls you can date and then there are the super hot girls who know they can replace you in a day if you screw up. DO NOT DATE THE SUPER HOT ONES! A girl should be a little bit insecure but if she knows she has no or little competition, you may be in trouble. That aside, here are two main reasons why the super hot girl is not suitable for you:
- A super hot girl is like a trophy you win after a very tough tournament. (think of it like the champions league). The thing is that soon, you have to defend your trophy in the next tournament and we know that even the current Barcelona side with their sexy football has not been able to defend the Champions league trophy. My point is that you will be competing with every Tom, Dick and Harry for the attention of the girl and most of the daring ones will probably have more to offer the girl than you.
- Just as marriage is the main course of divorce, relationships are the main causes of break ups. When you break up, generally, whether you are a girl or a guy, you need to upgrade, ie get a better looking person. Trust me, there is nothing as wonderful as bumping into your ex a month after breaking up in the arms of another guy/girl who is hotter than they ever will be. The problem with dating a super hot girl is that upgrading will definitely take time spotting, let alone getting to displace someone who has claim to the trophy. Woe unto you if you are the one meeting your ex in the arms of another guy.
The Married Woman
It is okay to try date a single girl. Heck, if you get a chance at dating a super hot girl, disregard my earlier advice and go for it. It is okay to try and slice a girl from that dude you hate for landing the girl of your dreams. But do not date a married woman! It shows how pathetic you are in that you find it cool to share her with someone else. It is so disgusting, I have to go puke before I continue with this post.
The Drunkard and Chain Smoker
I am not saying a girl is not supposed to drink but if a drinking competition was to be done between her and your relatives currently alive (to your fourth cousins), and she would win hands down, then, she is not in your league. My personal view is that girls should not smoke as much as guys should not watch soaps. If things go well,
but mostly badly, she may carry your baby and we all know what cigarettes do to the body.
The list is not exhaustive. There are many girls not to date, like the celebs that are on pulse or zuqka every week; sugar mommies, your brothers’ and boys’ girlfriends and exes etc. I am sure you know many more, kindly share in the comments section and you will receive a reward of nothing.
Quote: The reason why women will never start proposing is because, the moment they get on their knees men will start unzipping – nir4shah.