Okay, so maybe I was listening to Ciara’s 1, 2, Step when I started writing this. But truth is, stereotyping is so easy. As easy as 1, 2, 3… Especially when there’s facts to back it up.
So anyway, I had a conversation with my mum this morning. Something along the lines of a conversation she might or might not have had 30+ years when she might or might not have contemplated marrying a white boy. Only this time around, it was about a Kikuyu boy who might or might not have been buzzing around my sick bed.
“Ríu-rí, arúme agíkúyú ní-úí ní ta matakoragwo mena bata na mútumia wona ní-aingíra nyúmba?”(Something to the effect that Kikuyu men only really value and cherish a woman during the chase, but once she is a wife, and mother, the romance is gone.)
I laughed, and told her, “You know, even during the chase a Kikuyu, Embu or Meru man still does not value his woman. Otherwise, they’d keep promises, arrive at dates on time, and treat their women kind.”
“So why do you girls still marry men who treat you like that?” Mum demanded to know.
“Oh, I don’t know, mum.” I have definitely had my share of ‘not-so-good’ men. And true, the worst have been Kikuyu, Embu or Meru. But I really don’t think it’s all about the men. In the same breath I hope there’s a good man out there who just happens to be a Kikuyu, Embu or Meru man. And I think that there might be some men just as bad as the stereotype who are neither Kikuyu, nor Embu, nor Meru. God, I hope I am right to hope that that is the case!
My point is that as easy as it is to drop all the men into one basket, it’s also about how a girl views herself, how much value she tags herself with. A man will definitely treat you only as bad as you allow him to treat you.
If from the beginning you have shown him that you will let him break promises, keep you waiting, stand you up, talk to you abusively, push you, hit you… then that’s how he will treat you always. Don’t expect him to change.
On the other hand, if you hold yourself up with dignity (which does not at all mean that you should be stuck-up no fun bitch), then your man will treat you with dignity. If you demand that he keeps time, keeps promises, and you do so yourself, he’ll know the game plan. And if he deviates blatantly from the code of respect, you should value yourself enough to point it out and walk away sooner rather than later when there is already too much at stake.
So I guess the end of the conversation with my mum dropped the ball at the girl’s court. How do you want to be treated? Because he will live up to the Stereotype if you let him.
That said, here’s a recap of last week’s Ezine:
Every Word is still at Part One. We apologise for the delay.
Social Media Monitoring – Business & Internet with Marvin Tumbo
Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen – Reading Room with Gideon Chumo
Sharon’s Story – Chronic City with Nyambura Kiarie
Smile – Poetry with @IvoryCherub
So, here’s to a great, creative, blessed week!