The Score Sheet


A man in the house is worth two in the street.

 

The day that guys love to hate, Valentines (or, if you like, Extortion) Day is around the corner. As a result, I thought it wise to talk about the interaction between guys and girls. As it is said, girls are like mobile phones……..if and when you press the wrong button, you will get disconnected. You will be having a wonderful candle lit dinner at a five star hotel until when your eyes accidentally spot another girl. You will try as much as you can to bring back your eyes to your girl, but damage will have been done. That “mistake” will cost you a lot of things and you will wish you had not taken her out in the first place! Punishment depends on the level of drama queen-ness of the girl, ranging from being slapped to wine being poured on your new white shirt to a combination of these two and her leaving you and making sure everyone knows you area jerk. In all cases, you will have to pay her bill, and start thinking of an expensive apology gift!

 

Guys on the other hand, are different. We will accumulate the wrongs, then one day, when we cannot take it anymore, we will find ourselves a better girlfriend(s) and move on. Of course everyone will talk of how bad you have treated your (now) former girlfriend and how she loved you without knowing how much you had to sacrifice to put up with her B.S! For guys, everything a girl does earns her points. The points may be positive or negative, depending on what the girl has done. The points awarded for action X slightly differs among guys but most guys will award around the same points for the same action. Since I am cool like that, I decided to pen down a few actions and the approximate points ladies will earn:

 

  1. Send a text (5)
  2. Send a text and you are my mpango wa kando (-10) (Leaves evidence on my phone)
  3. Send a text with the words “love” and “you” in it and remembering not to include the word “don’t” (10)
  4. Not sending a text (0) (10 if you are mpango wa kando)
  5. Replying my texts (3)
  6. Replying my text over five hours after it has been sent (1)
  7. Not replying my text or replying my text over 24 hours after I sent it (-20) (and I start looking for the phone number of the chick who has been flirting with me)
  8. Calling me the name of your ex, brother, father or any other male name that is not mine in a text (-20)
  9. Using the word “lol” in a text (-2.5)
  10. Using the word “lol” in a text, and using it out of context (-6.25)
  11. Not taking my call for whatever reason (-8)
  12. Not taking my call, and not calling back three hours later (-8.75)
  13. Not taking my call and not bothering to call back (-23.45) (AND YOU HAD BETTER BE DEAD!!!)
  14. Bringing me breakfast in bed (52.5) (mmmhhh…..I like)
  15. Bringing me breakfast in bed and it is something I like (81.75) (mmmhhh…..I very much like)
  16. Bringing me breakfast in bed and there is something I hate (like Garlic) in it  (-5.75) (ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME??)
  17. Starting an argument (2.25) (Its expected…..I am used to it)
  18. Starting an argument about my ex (-23.45) (Why the hell do you have to bring the past……even if it was good while it lasted<sigh>)
  19. Admitting that I am right, and you have lost the argument (74.5) (It will probably never happen….wait, is there something you do not want me to know?…….or, Are you pregnant??)
  20. Continuing with the argument even after I have admitted to losing when I know I am right (-10)
  21. Returning a statement I say with “Whatever” or “pssshhh” or “talk to the hand” or just walking away (-11)
  22. Buying me a present for Valentines (5)
  23. Buying me a present for Valentines and expecting nothing in return (13.75)
  24. Not buying me a present for valentines (3.75)
  25. Not buying me a present for Valentine yet you expect several from me (-20)
  26. Buying me flowers for valentines (-14.5)
  27. Introducing me to your male friends (10)
  28. Introducing me to your male friends as your boyfriend (25)
  29. Introducing me to your male friends as your boyfriend with a hug and a kiss (45)
  30. I come home and you are looking gorgeous (35)
  31. I come home, you have cooked my favourite meal and you are looking gorgeous in the lingerie I bought you recently (50)
  32. But you are watching a soap (-7.25)
  33. You make all efforts to change the channel before I could see what you were watching (even though I have seen it) (13.75)
  34. You land to a sports channel (55) (or better yet you land on MUTV, then you get 45 more points )
  35. You land to a channel showing Nigerian movies (-130)
  36. After 32 above, you continue watching TV like nothing has happened (-15)
  37. I try looking for the remote and I realize you have hidden it (-26.25)
  38. After 33 above, you have recorded the match pitting my favourite team and any other team that I missed (45) (5 more points if you have bought my favourite drink that had run out to act as pop corn as I watch the match)
  39. You come home and find me watching a football game (7.5)
  40. You dare not interrupt, and decide to watch the game with me (20) (11.25 more points if you do it quietly without asking too many questions)
  41. You cheer the team I seem to be cheering (41.25)
  42. We win (40)
  43. And you shower me with hugs and kisses as if I was the player who scored the winning goal (60)
  44. If you decide to cheer the opposing team (11.25) (for agreeing to watch)
  45. My team loses (-2.5)
  46. You console me (-3.75)
  47. You laugh at me (-28.75)
  48. After 39 above, you locate the remote and change the channel (-26.75)
  49. To the channel showing the live game between my team and any other team that I had forgotten the time it will start (35)
  50. After 48 above, to a channel showing a soap or a Nigerian movie (-82.5)

 

These are just a few things, there are many more that earn girls points. Let me know what action and approximately which points a girl will get in the comments section. No points for guessing which action gets the girl the jackpot of 1000 points!

 

THE DAY’S

 

Disclaimer: I will be indebted to these three guys whose suggestions were too good to be ignored in the making of this post: KevMotz, NdubiAbenga and Jose

 

Quotes: My girlfriend is still mad at me because I called her fat last month! Well you know what they say…Elephants never forget!

I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV – Tracy Smith

 

 

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24 thoughts on “The Score Sheet

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention The Score Sheet « The Greatrnk -- Topsy.com

    • Well, Sid, there are three things that make a man. One is the passionate support of a contact sport like Rugby, football or basketball. Tennis and golf do not count!

  2. How awesome is this post? so much so that I am compelled to come up with a score sheet for guys with respect to this one but with a few things switched up, here goes:

    1 Send a text (5)
    2 Send a text and you are my mpango wa kando (-5) (Leaves evidence on my phone but at least you are thinking about me)
    3 Send a text with the words “love” and “you” in it and remembering not to include the word “don’t” (15)(He loves me *insert happy dance* but -10 if I do not love him back)
    4 Not sending a text (-20) (5 if you are mpango wa kando)
    5 Replying my texts (5)
    6 Replying my text over five hours after it has been sent (1)
    7 Not replying my text or replying my text over 24 hours after I sent it (-25) (and I start running to my girlfriends to start complaining about how the dude neglects me)
    8 Calling me the name of your ex, sister, mother or any other female name that is not mine in a text (-50)(WTH you do not know my name?!!!)
    9 Using a smiley face in a text (-2.5)
    10 Using bad grammar in a text(-10) (Texts cost a bob, are you that cheap?!)
    10 Not taking my call for whatever reason (-50)(What could be more important than picking up my call?)
    11 Not taking my call, and not calling back three hours later (-80)
    12 Not taking my call and not bothering to call back (-200) (AND YOU HAD BETTER BE DEAD!!! OR I WILL KILL YOU)
    13 Bringing me breakfast in bed (90) (AAAWwwwwwwww)
    14 Bringing me breakfast in bed and it is something I like (150) (wow…. this dude’s a keeper)
    15 Bringing me breakfast in bed and there is something I hate (like Garlic) in it (25) (It’s the thought that counts, but note to self, keep him away from the kitchen)
    16 Starting an argument (-50) (OMG who wears the pants in this relationship?)
    17 Starting an argument about my ex (1) (Wow, insecure much?! Why the hell do you have to bring the past? Don’t you trust me?)
    18 Admitting that I am right, and you have lost the argument (60) (It’s good you know that I am always right)
    19 Continuing with the argument even after I have admitted to losing when I know I am right (-70)(*Walking away in a huff* Guess who’s in the dog house?)
    20 Buying me a present for Valentines (100)
    21 Buying me a present for Valentines and expecting nothing in return (100)
    22 Not buying me a present for valentines (-20)(unless we had a mutual agreement not to do Valentines, but even if we did, a little something goes a long way)
    23 Not buying me a present for Valentine yet you expect several from me (-300)(Seriously??!)
    24 Buying me flowers for valentines (80) (-70 if that is the only gift you get me, what happened to originality?)
    25 Introducing me to your female friends (100)
    26 Introducing me to your female friends as your girlfriend (150)
    27 Introducing me to your female friends as your girlfriend with a hug and a kiss (200)(+100 if your female friends are really hot)
    28 I come home and you are looking gorgeous (15)(You were at home wasting all that time getting dolled up for me?? We have a situation!)
    29 I come home, you have cooked my favourite meal and you are looking gorgeous in the nice shirt I bought you recently (100)
    30 But you are watching a soap (-20)(What is wrong with you?)
    31 You make all efforts to change the channel before I could see what you were watching (even though I have seen it) (-80)(Why are you watching blue movies?? perv)
    32 You give me the remote (100)
    33 I try looking for the remote and I realize you have hidden it (-50)(Grow up! I cannot understand why I am with such an immature man!)
    34 You offer to rub my feet while we watch tv (150)
    35 You come home and find me watching a soap (7.5)
    36 You dare not interrupt, and decide to watch the soap with me (20) (-50 if you also start crying during the sad scenes)
    37 If I come home, find you watching soccer, and you change the channel for me not to miss my favorite drama (200) (He is so amazing and considerate)

    • I concur with your #10, that I did not include. Same points for removing vowels in words in the name of shortening them.

      As I have always suspected, girls care more about what other girls say/see about/in them than guys, as proved your #27

      #37 aint gonna happen!

      Your comment gives you 123.45 points!

  3. Haha, funny blog. I can’t believe getting you a Valentine’s gift is only 5 marks! You should get a chic to do one for gals.

  4. …perfect end to a rather horrible day, thank you, oh greatrnk….*proceeds to read his other blogposts, and follows him on twitter 🙂

  5. Hey, lovely commandments I should say. I’ve laughed still cant stop laughing dear. One other point….keeping me waiting when with your galfreds(-50). Waiting for me when am late +150

  6. Pingback: The Best of The Greatrnk « The Greatrnk

  7. Pingback: The Greatrnk Appraisal | The Greatrnk

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