I am writing this in the company of a very good friend and neighbour from the workplace. We decided it was too early to go home so we passed by the kalocal for some choma and a drink…..two perhaps. I have known this guy for a year now and he is an open book. He has a baby momma in the office, has tried to make moves on at least two other ladies and has a girlfriend that is too young to understand the meaning of a long distance relationship. I have never seen any of his friends. In fact some of my friends are all of his friends.
He has been talking a lot about getting married and I find nothing wrong with that. He has it all going for him. Commissions in the hundreds of thousands, very few friends especially the female ones (you don’t need many female friends if you are not interested in fitting in the category being described in this post) and he has earned best employee a few times….. Then comes the bombshell. He announces that he has changed his mind and wants to get married at forty. For a man that has been constantly whining about having to constantly eat nyama choma for supper and how he would get married instantly if only his girlfriend would get a little more serious, this comes a as great shocker.
But I am not shocked, am tickled and I advice him that if he truly is bent on getting married in 2013 then he should embark on the long overdue masters and perhaps top it up with a PHD. I know no other way to distract a man with his looks and a personality.
Honestly, I fail to understand men and their recent craze for getting married when they have no semen for their sperms to swim in. Recently another one that I hold very dearly to my heart told me that when he gets married (at 40) he would ensure he had enough money to buy, build or rent and furnish two exactly identical houses….one for him and one for his wife and kids. Reason: He loves his space.
That is the way any man who is bent on settling at 40 should think. He has a first class ticket to senior bachelorhood because no child bearing age woman could sit and listen to some crap about you loving her and her babies very much but wanting to stay in a separate house. Space my pinkie toe! My friend better be ready to get a good fast food when he eventually gets married to a woman nearing menopause that has been married at least twice before and has attended numerous women’s meetings to pray for husbands at KICC or wherever they will have shifted to by then. With the kind of food we eat these days please be advised that more and more women are hitting menopause in their thirties and early forties.
Boys, women want to get married…..totally explains the booming businesses ranging from gold digging pastors at KICC claiming to be praying for us to get partners to that bwana pap business where you text husband to some expensive number and a husband is expected to appear comme par miracle to the publishing business where women buy books like ‘Why men marry Bitches’ and ‘Women are from Venus Men are from Mars’….all in an attempt to understand who the hell this species that claims to have a missing rib is.
But trust me no matter how many such books we push to the best selling list or how many pastors make millions out of our naivety, no one wants to marry an old man especially if there is no pren-up that favours me. Unless we sign a premarital contract stating in those blunt terms that I will kill you in your sleep before we can have any malformed babies….I am not marrying you. Let no one lie to you….despite the fact that your power house is located somewhere that is supposed to have temperatures cold enough for it to continue working. It is definitely not in top condition by the time you are in your fourth decade. Mungu si Athmani. He knows exactly why he created that power house to begin working very early in your life….so stop trying to do His work…..Leave your mother and father and go find yourself a wife….. then go ye and multiply….hehehehehehehehe.
My advice: Women are at their peak in their late thirties and early forties…beauty, career, sex…name it. A woman at this age has just finished the perilous journey of self discovery and she knows what she wants. It makes much more sense to walk with her through this journey than to find her when she has done it all on her own. (That is assuming you boys want to marry someone your age or a few years LESS). You had better play all your games in your early twenties, get a stable girlfriend in your mid twenties and get married in your late twenties to early thirties. This will ensure that you grow old with your children. For their sake please don’t let other children ask if it was their grandfather who came for the parents day. And you definitely don’t want your wife cheating on you. As I have already mentioned, she will be at her peak when you can be of no use to her especially in the contentious department. So save yourself the hustle of hiring a detective in an attempt to salvage your marriage. You will still end up divorced and that tastefully furnished house, of which you have a photocopy, goes to her including the children and other nice things that belong to you that she will have earned regardless of whether she is a housewife or a CEO. You think marrying as man that is 10 years to his death bed is a walk in the park?
1. Question: Where do you work? Answer: I have a boyfriend! – Deestinguished
2. The optician asked me to read the bottom line. “Made in China” I replied. I passed the eye examination!