A rose by any other name would still smell like a rose!
Add this to your rule book: Pay no attention to my headings!
It is amazing how someone can come up with a false quote and not only get away with it but also get famous for it. I did not write the name of the person who came up with the above quote because I do not know him and so as not to be among those who made him famous. Imagine if a rose was called a name like vichirenje or shamakhokho, do you honestly believe it would smell like a rose? I do not think so!
So one day, I get a facebook inbox message and friend request with no mutual friends from a guy called Luhaz saying, “I see you still use that name?” The first thought that came to mind was who the hell is this lunatic and how the makmende did he find me? A few chit chats later and I learn, or rather he tells me he is my cousin from I do not know where and other bullcrap information about his great grandad being a brother to my great grandad! I was patient enough to take all that nonsense until he apologised that he would be removing me as friend because all his campo clandes, drink buddies and friends at MO1 Campo know him by the name Luhaz and by having a friend called Luhazwa, which he considers a bad name, would be bad for his resume! I could care less if he chucked me as a friend. I only care if the person removing me is a hot chick and we are in a mpango wa kando wa inbox that the boyfriend does not know about. What I could not understand, and this is what made me angry to the point that I looked at my phone and suddenly the screen melted before I threw it against the wall and proceeded to stamp on the ground as hard as I could with chants of shindwe, shindwe pepo mbaya riswa! – all this in my head, is why a lunatic raised in shagzville all his life could disown his shagzmanic (stop googling that word, it has only come into existance a few seconds after I have written it) name while me, whose total accumulated time in shagz ever since I was safely introduced to this planet was less than six months, had no problem using it! Oh, if you are in MO1 Campo, and you know a guy called Luhaz who calls himself your friend or boyfriend, know he has been lying to you about his name for four years now!
Names, I agree impact our daily lives, how people view us and even success later in life. A survey in the States found out that people whose names started with ‘A’ or ‘B’ were on average more successful and lived longer by a whole 9 years than those whose names started with a ‘D’ Why? Because the education system grades A or B as success while D is a fail! Which brings me to my second story. My five year old cousin was called Lucy until she watched a Nigerian movie (Pray, how the hell do you allow your five year old to see a Nigerian Movie? Wait, how do you have a Nigerian film anywhere in the radius of 100 metres from your compound? And before I forget, those guys from West Africa sending me mail about inheritance money, trustee and bank account nonsense, please stop! I am Kenyan, and not from the Republic of Dum Dum aka TZ) Back to my cuz storo. In the film, Satan was referred to as Lucifer and the young child’s mind interpreted her name, Lucy, to be short for Lucifer. She cried after the movie and declared she will be called Neema or if not Grace! I do not know how she knew, if she knew that is, that Neema is swahili for Grace. In that child’s brain, anyone called Lucy is Satan.
We also have the issue of the Nigerian President. (I do not have beef with Nigerians by the way, I just have beef with Nollywood.) How his parents decided to call him Goodluck is what the next scientists should be working on as their thesis papers. What were they thinking surely? Why could they not go to the Bible and pick a name there, I mean you can never go wrong with apostles: John, Matthew, Phillip, Judas (Ok, only call your son Judas as a last resort.) And how did Nigerians have someone called Goodluck as their Head of State? And you still expect me to watch or listen to crap or anything from that country (except asa). If you want your son to have good luck all his life, use the local language equivalent of that name. Imagine if Obama would have been called Blessings Obama! He would not have made it the Illinois Senator let alone President. Wait, he probably would….his dad is Kenyan!
There are other names that are guaranteed success. Like George. I mean, what other name can boast of two of the last four U.S Presidents? I know you know other success names, other failure names and other effed up or funny names. Let me know about them in the comments section.
Quote: The three fastest means of communication: TELephone, TELevision and TELL to woman. If you want a faster method, TELL her not to tell anyone.
Words: How fast can you guess these words?
You got all six wrong didn’t you? You dirty minded pervets!
Hero/Zero: Harun – An unsung hero. Owe him more than I can repay in one lifetime, so I will just reduce the debt. Cool guy, loves God. Not many are as reliable as him.