Know Your Worth

by switcheeks

Grandmother’s advice

Before you go on and sigh! It’s not another sad Love gone sour I know my worth story, so go on continue scrolling down. I had a weird dream recently, I dreamed that I was 94, relaxing by the beach with my current age which let’s pretend it’s 21. The conversation we, I mean I had with my older self was really weird and so real, it went something like this;

Grandmother me; “Lately it seems V, you hardly know your worth in life, you worry about small things that you don’t have control over. You need to relax, inhale and let everything go, heck see the wrinkles I have now because of your worrying too much? Let me tell you 5 things that you should never forget my dear;”

1. “Stop bringing yourself down. Would you allow anyone to call you stupid, say hurtful things about you on your face and just let them get away with it? Of course you wouldn’t! But you feel it’s okay to hurl insults to yourself. See that pole over there?” I turned around to look at it, as she handed me some grease (it’s a dream, don’t ask where the grease came from) she then told me to apply some on the pole, and then try climbing it. I couldn’t do it. “You see my dear,” she continued laughing, “How you always bring yourself down, thinking you’re not worth anything, you’ll always end up trying to climb that pole in life. That’s what negative thinking does.”

2. “Let go of your so called friends. I know this may sound a little bit harsh, but have they added any meaning to your life?” I told her some have; she went on as if she didn’t hear anything I said. “The ones you say you trust have they earned that trust? Why do you confide in them and yet they end up gossiping about you to everyone? All they do is bring you down. I thought you knew friends are like sponges thrown in a pool of water, you either absorb their good or bad traits. Now, are they worth calling friends?”

3. “Love yourself.” (I don’t mean fap) but when was the last time you treated yourself to something nice for all the hard work you do? You have a beach here, why don’t you take advantage of it? Relax, switch your phone off, get a good book to read and just enjoy the sound of the waves. That man you have been stressing over. Is he worth it? Look at you V; do you honestly think the forbidden fruit you have been eating is the sweetest? When I look at you, I see you eating more of Poison Ivy than the forbidden fruit. Love yourself enough to know your worth.”

4. “When was the last time you told mum you loved her and not just put up a stupid update or tweet saying how much you do when you know she’s not on Facebook or Twitter? Call her and tell her that. She needs to know you appreciate her for everything she’s done for you. And our brothers and sisters, do you remember they always put up with you through your worst. Don’t forget that and treat your friends like they are more important than family. In the end family will always be there for you.”

5. “You are not perfect. Remember that; don’t act like you haven’t wronged anyone. Apologize, let go of all the grudges you have and work on your relationship with God. He knows you are far from perfect, yet he’s never given up on you. Know your worth in life, V.”

I wish there was a way I would have recorded that dream, it was so real because I was/I’m in that point in life where I need to let go of all the negative burdens and things going on around me. Maybe I had that dream because my grandma is 94 and sick lately and I’m always worrying about her, but whatever the case, the advice I got was practical. Know your worth in life.

About the Author: Switcheeks (twitter handle) aka Marion aka Viona or V as she has called herself here is the founder and Executive Producer of Act Like A Facebook Girl; Think Like A Twitter Woman. She is a great writer, is witty and funny and I will let you judge that by yourself by directing you to her blog, Vionna’s Watching.

The Best of The Greatrnk

If modesty and candor are necessary to an author in his judgment of his own works, no less are they in his reader – Sarah Fielding

One day when I was busy doing nothing but basically minding my own business, someone ambushed me and was intent on making me tell her what inspires me to write, probably so that it could inspire her too. It is then that I decided to do The Worst of The Greatrnk, a post that looks at what went through my mind when I wrote the posts that did not make it. Today, I decided to go through what drugs were in my head when I wrote the posts that some of you came to love and/or hate.

The Harsh Reality Finally Sinks is a continuation of Kapenguria 6…..Sorry, I Mean Buru 7. I was meant to post part three of it but my good friend laziness took me on a trip to the country where he is king. This story is based on a true story, even though some elements are fictional. The two posts rank as number 10 and 6 respectively in the all time best of The Greatrnk.

I had seen bloggers write ‘Letters to their 13 year old them’ and (un)fortunately, no one tagged me in any. After reading several of these posts, I realised that most bloggers loved writing and reading when young. I, on the other hand, loved mathematics. I decided to do a post on what I loved at age 13: Mathematics, or as I called it, Math Hate Matics.

What is the probability that your 600th follower works in the same building as you and you have never known? OK, let me steer away from mathematics. When she asked me what inspires me to write, I at first did not have an answer. Then I decided to do this post that is boring you and of course The Worst of The Greatrnk.

When I won a blog contest, barely 4 months old in blogging (Memo to those who hate me: been there, done that, won awards and stuff. You cannot touch me!!!) I was so happy and did not even know the best way to express myself. When the competition started, I was doing badly, and I thought if only I will be among the top 5, then it would be a great achievement. Shock on me, I Won! Really!

So we are into the top 5 posts. One day, I was heading home in a mat. The lady who sat next to me had a sick child. To cut the long story short, half way through the journey, the kid somehow produced 5 litres of puke from I do not know where and made sure 98.76% of it was on me. I at least restrained my fist from making contact with the face of both the mom and the kid at a speed likely to rival the speed of light in a vacuum. Later, I thought about what we go through and what just makes us feel like cursing and SOL (Screaming Out Loud). I figured out there are a million things that make me feel like multiplying the dental formulaes of people by zero, so I decided to narrow Is She It to a relationship post.

I was blog whoring Chiira’s Blog when I saw (his sort of) review/recommendation of (I think) Kate Bomz‘s Blog. His final words in the post: “Just Maybe could turn out to be my weekly blog review. Am yet to decide that but keep watching for that.” 5 months after this proclamation, he had not started this review. Infact, he is yet to start to date. This got me thinking that I could start the same, but do it in form of a package that includes an interview of a blogger, a review of his/her blog, a guest post from him/her and finally, write a post in his/her style. Unfortunately, the furthest I ever went was my Interview of Savvy Kenya who (I now find out) was coincidentally the first person to comment on Chiira’s Just Maybe post. (Small world, this is).

A few hours after Deestinguished did this post, DR did this other one and, me being a good guy that I am, decided to speak out for the good guys out there. At first, when I saw DR’s post, I thought it was a counter to Deestinguished’s post, only to be ‘disappointed.’ For those who know Deestinguished, they know that the post was written two weeks to her birthday, and I have always wondered how many birthday gifts she missed from the good guys who read that post. My response was the much acclaimed Bad Is The New Good.

A few days to Valentines Day, I did one of my best post. We were trying to convince someone that he had to do ‘something’ for his ‘girlfriend’ or else he would lose her forever! (Just to mention that he did nothing, not even a text, and he has not lost her. Either there are still some good non-materialistic girls out there or there are some lucky bustards out there, me things!) The girls in the group gave their views of the perfect valentines package gifts (note the plural in the word gift and the word package!!!), and I noticed that there are things that guys take for granted that offend girls. I figured that there might be things that we hold dear (I did not use that word, did I?) that girls have no clue of. The result was this post. (not this one you are reading, but the one I am talking about.) After coming up with the draft, I asked Kevmotz, NdubiAbenga  and Jose to chip in. I am very grateful for their input. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present my favourite post, The Score Sheet.

The Score Sheet, for some reason, does not make it to number one. One day, I was in an M-pesa shop (trying to sell goats for those who are stupidly curious of what someone like me would be doing there), when I heard two guys talk like it was illegal to be intelligent (literary) about Actuarial Science. A few days later, when from lunch with a colleague, we talked about the profession and how challenging it is to qualify etc. I did some research (a little) and came up with 4 Facts of Actuarial Science. What I love most about this post are the comments. They always make my day.

There you have it, my best 10 posts. Let me know which is your best post in the comments section. 

THE DAY’S

Quote: Love thy neighbour all through the day… but first make sure her husband’s away!

The Worst of The Greatrnk

All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling – Oscar Wilde

 

One day I was doing what I do best, which is being busy doing nothing, and basically minding my own business when someone who loves my blog (that is what she said) and is good looking (that is what I am saying) found it wise to ask me what inspires my writings. I decided to answer her in the form of, not one, but three posts! Yeah, I am cool like that. These posts will focus on my behind the scenes or what was going on through my not so smart thesaurus when I penned them down. Today I focus on the posts that did not make it: The worst of The Greatrnk.

 

1. El Fifa del World Cup

The title was supposed to look like a soap opera title. The inspiration behind that must have been Chiira’s Inflated Skins vs. Air Heads. At that time, I was less than a million seconds old in blogging and the only blogger I knew was the guy I mentioned above. It was a day to the start of The 2010 World Cup. I think the post is humerous. I must add, as I did in the post, that the questions were asked and answered in a South African Tourism Website. I even added a poll for people to vote for the country they think would win the World Cup. Most people, apart from me, thought Spain would win it, followed by Germany and Argentina. I do not think it deserves to be among my worst posts.

 

2. The Stock Market: Types of Stocks

This was my first real post, after the introductory post. The research that went to this post was enormous but I did not share it in the post. In researching, I learnt a lot about The Stock Market. I had planned on writing more posts on the stock market but somehow, that was not meant to be.

 

3. Top Ten

After two months of blogging, in which I wrote posts that at times sucked, I was wise enough to know that the only way to get better was to read and copy from what I read from other blogs. Remember when I started out I only knew one blogger. By this time, I had stumbled on blogs by the queen of twitter in .ke savvykenya, the funny itsnowrc, the not so noisy on twitter but talented writer sheblossoms, anyiko (Before I made the huge discovery later on that she was a celeb) and a few others. This post was my all time Top Ten best blog posts I had read. I am sure some of those post are not in my current top ten anymore, but these bloggers are still doing a great job. This is the best way to say the five bloggers mentioned thus far were my inspiration and mentors earlier on.

 

4. The World Cup…….as I Saw It

There were just three matches left to the end of the World Cup. I wanted everyone to know that I had all along known England and Argentina would not win the World Cup. The team I supported, Brazil had been kicked out, and I blamed Dunga for not calling up Ronaldinho. We all know what had happened to Ghana. Much of the Ghana disappointment is portrayed in the post.

 

5. Where Did The Vowels Go To?

I love this post, and it beats me that people did not relate to it. Facebook had introduced the “see more” feature where long updates were half posted with the option of clicking on the “see more” so as to see the update. As lazy as I am, I could not, and still cannot, get my fingers to click “see more” and I kept thinking why people kept on writing long updates. There was also the issue of shortening of words such that words no longer had vowels, which still infuriates me. And of course, the worst sin of all: The Laughing Out Loud or Lots Of Love acronym. The guys who use it fall in my List Of Losers!

 

6. Participants of the Stock Market

Just as the first post on The Stock Market, I did massive research on this post. It was a continuation of the first post. When I wrote it, I knew I would continue with the subject, which has not happened ever since. If I am not wrong, the next installment was to look at how stocks are valued. Maybe one day I will post something to the effect.

 

7. Int or Duction

This was the first post I ever wrote, which was to mark my triumphant entry into the world of blogging. I was so excited. I was just free styling and ended up with no words to end it. I like the post, even though someone once read it, compared it to what I am writing now and duly informed me that I had come from a far. I beg to differ, I have always thought I am getting worse at this writing business, but that is a story for another day.

 

Have a look at the posts and tell me if they deserve the punishment that is The Worst of The Greatrnk.

 

THE DAY’S

Quote: I said to my girlfriend, “Do you want to see me pull a really ugly face?” She laughed and said, “Go on then.” So I grabbed hers. - Anonymous

Bonus Story:

Mugabe’s Chauffeur ran over a pig. Mugabe asked him to go and tell the ranch owner what had happened. One hour later, he reappeared, staggering with crampy clothes, an unzipped trouser and champagne and a cigar on either hand.

Mugabe: What the … happened to you?

Chauffeur: The ranch owner gave me this champagne, the wife gave me the cigar and their 19 year old eer….

Mugabe: My God, and what did you tell them?

Chauffeur: I just went in and told them that I am Robert Mugabe’s Chauffeur and I have just killed the pig!

 

 

The Princess Project: Stalker Alert

I have a stalker. Yup, I do. I used to think stalkers were something that only the rich and famous could suffer from. And to be absolutely honest, I was not very sure why the rich and famous made such a big deal about it. Until I got my very own special stalker.

This Internet. And the mobile telephony. I tell you, technology has brought a whole new level to trouble.

See my work for a publishing house places me at the forefront of all contact between the public online and the company. I deal with inquiry emails, submission emails, angry emails, happy emails, weird emails; and I have to respond to all with professional courtesy and polite patience. PR, you see.

I also handle said company’s social media content. So I am on Facebook, Twitter, wherever else as a brand advocate. And this brings me in touch, well virtual online touch, with lots of people, some not so nice people, and a whole lot of crazy ‘should-be-locked-up-and-key-thrown-away’ people.

I am a writer, to be more precise a blogger. That separate from my job. This compounds the privacy issue. For a long while, I have tried to keep my personal life very very private. I don’t even let people know where I live. I know, crazy right? Dude, you are a blogger, writer, your job is to let people know what you think and where you’ve been. Still, I try really hard to separate my writing/blogging persona from the real me, so I can protect my privacy to a certain degree.

But apparently, I have not been able to protect my privacy too well. So this dude decided to change our relationship from the professional editor and writer status, to god-knows-what. And to make things really bad, he has my phone number, email, facebook, twitter…

At first, he would just send me text messages at odd times. Then he went through the call-me-for-no-apparent-reason-at-really-bad-times-of-the-day. Then he’d send me weird emails, like we were absolute ‘best friends forever’.

I got to tell you there’s a whole wide chasm between friendly and stalking friendly. See, you meet someone, online or live-live, and you like them, you don’t get miffed if they call you.  But there’s common courtesy even then. You don’t call people after work hours unless they are friends. You don’t call people after 9pm unless they are family and family friendly. You don’t call people who are not your friends to find out where they are going for the weekend and with whom!

So I stopped taking the calls. He started texting me. Same same. After a while, I blocked his number.

He switched to Facebook & Twitter, and I blocked him there as well. So now, he has switched to using my job to get at me.

One of my weekly tasks is to write and send out the Writers’ Blog. As you may know the Writers’ Blog is fed by reader content. So guess what’s happening now. Dude is now writing stories that feature me as the protagonist, or antagonist.

A while back, he raped and killed a character named after me. Now, he is romancing a character named after me.

It occurs to me that this man is a likeable fellow, seeing that he has friends, some whom even I know. I don’t like him, and I have never met him!

It also occurs to me that this man is probably usually a decent rational man. So what the hell is he doing on crazy lane?! Does he even know that he crossed over?

So I decided to spend a few minutes looking up the different types of stalkers. Here’s what I came up with:

The Erotomaniac: This kind of stalker believes that he is in love with you. To show his keen interest, he keeps calling you, dropping by, writing e-mails, doing unsolicited errands “on your behalf”, talking to your friends, co-workers, and family, and, in general, making himself available at all times. The erotomaniac feels free to make for you legal, financial, and emotional decisions and to commit you without your express consent or even knowledge. The erotomaniac intrudes on your privacy, does not respect your express wishes and personal boundaries and ignores your emotions, needs, and preferences. To him – or her – “love” means enmeshment and clinging coupled with an overpowering separation anxiety (fear of being abandoned). He or she may even force himself (or herself) upon you sexually.

 

The Narcissist: Feels entitled to your time, attention, admiration, and resources. Interprets every rejection as an act of aggression which leads to a narcissistic injury.  Reacts with sustained rage and vindictiveness. Can turn violent because he feels omnipotent and immune to the consequences of his actions.

The Psychopath (Antisocial): Psychopaths regard other people as objects to be manipulated and instruments of gratification and utility. They have no discernible conscience, are devoid of empathy and find it difficult to perceive other people’s nonverbal cues, needs, emotions, and preferences. Consequently, the psychopath rejects other people’s rights and his commensurate obligations. He is impulsive, reckless, irresponsible and unable to postpone gratification. He often rationalises his behaviour showing an utter absence of remorse for hurting or defrauding others.

The psychopath fails to comply with social norms. Hence the criminal acts, the deceitfulness and identity theft, the use of aliases, the constant lying, and the conning of even his nearest and dearest for gain or pleasure. Many psychopaths are outright bullies.

There’s different ways to deal with stalkers. You can find a few on this site which I found to be very informative. But I think the important issue here is: Do your actions make you fall in any of the above categories?

Just so you know, stalking is a crime, stalkers are criminals.

In this New Age Media era, what is the acceptable code of conduct on the email, phone or social media?

And now to last week’s ezine:

Every Word Part One – Creekside Princess Episode 4

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell – @Chiira in the Office

The Weave : Wonder or Worry – Beautiful Inside Out with Imani Opar

This is Where I am – Society & Identity With Brenda Angwenyi

20^th March 1970 – The IvoryPunk’s Twilight Zone

Nothing to Write Home About – Paper Mache with @Soul_Fool

We hope that you will have a wonderful and creative week!

The Princess Project (K) Team.

 

The Storymoja Hay Festival 2010

Open to the general public, the Storymoja Hay Festival brings together writers, storytellers, environmentalists, poets, business leaders and education professionals to share stories and ideas. The festival will also be the culmination of a city-wide storytelling competition for young people (the Kwani Short Story Competition), the Storymoja Hay Poetry Competition, and a chance to engage with the Right to Read campaign to get a book in the hand of every Kenyan.

The 2010 Festival will feature over 60 events that are a must-see for Kenyans including some of your favorite local and international authors, media personalities and performers. A deliciously diverse sampling of participants that will be at the 2010 Storymoja Hay Festival event include: Benjamin Zephaniah, Tiffany Murray, Petina Gappah, Shailja Patel, Andy Middleton, Cat Weatherill, Katrice Horsely, Michela Wrong, Jane Bussmann, Aernout Zeverbergen, Sandra Mushi, Oyunga Pala, Sunny Bindra, Doreen Baingana, Ngwatilo Mawiyoo, Sitawa Namwalie, and many more!

There will be a children’s tent featuring books and activities for children with fun and interactive events for parents and children. Please read about the Education Programme for the 2010 Festival .

This year’s event takes place from Friday, October 1st through Sunday, October 3rd at the Railway Sports Club, next to Uhuru Park in Nairobi.

With only one month to go, the Storymoja 2010 Hay Festival promises to once again be the must-attend event for anyone who loves great books, performances and stimulating discussions.

Please check @storymoja on twitter or join our mailing list to be the first to hear further updates on our 2010 lineup.

STORYMOJA HAY FESTIVAL DAY TICKETS ONLY SH. 500! AVAILABLE VIA MPESA, ZAP AND SELECTED VENDORS. BUY THEM TODAY!

Advance one day pass for the 2010 Storymoja Hay Festival are available for only Sh. 500. You can also buy a season ticket for all three days for Sh. 1,000. Tickets for the “Dine with the Stars” Launch event are also available. Buy them online via MPesa or Zap through Rachel’s Bargain Corner, or at selected retail outlets including Nakumatt, Uchumi and your favourite book stores.

See Program Schedule

Top local and international thinkers, writers, performers and media personalities. Over 60 events in 3 days of brilliance. Be a part of the 2010 international Storymoja Hay Festival, 1st to 3rd October at Railways Club, Nairobi. Get in touch and we will tell you how. Visit our blog or website, join our Facebook Page,or follow us on Twitter – follow #shfk.

Fear

The one permanent emotion of the inferior man is fear – fear of the unknown, the complex, the inexplicable.  What he wants above everything else is safety – Henry Louis Mencken

At one point in our lives we will encounter something that will make us afraid. I mean, who are we not to be afraid if our very own Superman is afraid of Kryptonite, something that cannot even harm us? (I bet the Martians always laugh at us that our Super hero can be killed by a green stone and you do not even have to throw it at him!) Who are we not to be afraid when the Saviour, our Lord Jesus Christ, was afraid of the cup of suffering that was ahead of him that He pleaded with God to remove it? Of course we know God was like, (said in American accent) “nope son, nat happening! Lets see if yo a men! Good luck, call me when yo on tha cross!”

Death is one of the three most feared things on Earth. I do not known why people fear death as it is a certain event. Maybe that is why people fear it, anyway. (I just discovered that as I wrote this, how Einstein can that be? Einstein must be one lucky chap I did not live in his time. All bullcraps about relativity and the Emancipation = Mariah Carey Squared (E=MC^2) formula would have me as the discoverer as I will have waited for him to discover them, kill him before he publishes them and then I finally publish them. How genius is that?) The sun rising in the East is a certain event and we do not fear it. The expectation of the sun not rising one morning is the same as someone living for ever (theory by Prof. greatrnk) I think people have a fear for uncertainties and so not knowing the next stage after death makes people afraid of the event. People, especially those who watch these crap things from South America where there is always a girl called Maria and a guy called Alehandro and the two will end up getting married , also fear scorpions, lizards, snakes and other harmless insects and reptiles. The greatest fear of all is……..public speaking! I was also shocked when I found out.

I once had acrophobia (fear of lifts) until I sat myself down and gave myself a man-to-man talk about this phobia issht. There are some things that ought to be punishable by law if an African is found guilty of possessing. Phobias, this Audrey bullcrap of transgender thingy and this serial killing thingy of Onyancha top the list. And I propose a punishment of 10 years of marriage to Conjestina or Semenya or both regardless of whether you are female or male, to be a lesson to people of similar behaviour.

One of the things I am afraid of is for one day my boss to, out of curiosity, google my name, upon which he will get my facebook page or my twitter page or worse, this blog or even worse all three. I will get that call telling me to report to his office immediately where the outcome is one of two things: Me getting fired or a pay rise. And on that note, someone please remind me to quit linkedin, my boss joined the other day!

The other bad thing that can happen is for me to wake up one day and realise I am in standard six! All this growing up and issht things I have been doing has all been a great dream. That will probably mean that my relationship with God has not suffered the ups, downs and more downs plus I will still be bright since campus will not have killed my brightest brain cells. But it will mean I am eleven, the age at which I had a crush on this stupid chick in primary who made me fail my end of year exams. (Go check the records at Rhino Academy on the only time I did not score atleast half a thousand marks)

So I wake up and I am eleven, and it happens to be the day I was suspended for ALLEGEDLY putting a cricket (the insect not the sport, dummy) in a girl’s maternity dress that also acted as the uniform in primary schools those days. (The teacher actually heard dress instead of desk, but I was innocent, I could not, and still cannot, touch an insect and I must have been busy studying or thinking about the girl). Anyway, later on I head to the CBD and the horror continues! I see my boys and the cute girls (who were in my dream) but they are all grown up and do not even recognise/know me. That, my friends, is the time you pull a huri moment. A huri moment is where you look for a tree, sit under it and let your lacrimal glands do their thing as you watch your lovely dreams turn into nightmares without ghosts. Named after the guy who first did that after he completed his KCSE Physics practical and he realised his dream of being a doctor was now a nightmare.

All said and done, there has to be fear, so that we can know courage. Death, so that we can know life,  hate, so that we can know love <—– I have no idea how this last statement got here!???

THE DAY’S

Quote: I overheard my girlfriend on the phone to her pal saying she wants to get engaged on Valentine’s Day. I hope she finds someone nice.

Thought:

It is irrational to fear an event if when that event occurs we are not in existence
and since when death is, we are not
and when we are, death is not
Then it is irrational to fear death
One might just as well as the philosopher argue fear of birth
So live your life in your own terms,create your own rules in life
indifferent to fear either your own or those of others.
Then you will be free and happy;
but remember when you stop fearing, you stop living.

Apology: To Huri

Where did the Vowels go to?

If photography is allowed to stand in for art in some of its functions, it will soon supplant or corrupt it completely thanks to the natural support it will find in the stupidity of the multitude. It must remain to its task, which is to be the servant of the sciences and arts, but the very humble servant, like printing and shorthand, which have neither supplanted nor created literature – Charles Baudelaire

The World has become so electronic that the probability of not using a pen in a day is approaching 1 with every new day. (This reminds me I am supposed to-online-file my tax returns before the deadline in five days and the KRA website is behaving as if it was created by an eight year old learning web design). People are now doing more reading and writing on soft copy than on hard in an effort to conserve the trees. The effects of that has seen a breed of young people doing something that makes me so angry that the latent heat of vaporisation for my blood is almost achieved by the fast beating of my heart.

On a typical tiring day, I will head home with earphones on my ears listening to music and alternating between facebook and twitter as the driver of the mat is busy negotiating routes with the least traffic snarl ups. At this time, all I want to read is something that will entertain me and in the simplest manner possible. I do not want to get a facebook update with 400 characters (most likely, I will not read it). But that is a bit forgiveable considering how bad the next crime is.

Someone will post an update/comment, write on your wall or inbox you with words that have no vowels in the name of writing or is it typing in shorthand. ‘WTH s thz lol thng nw!’ How am I supposed to know what the words in bold mean? Considering it costs you nothing more to write words in full on facebook, I expect most words to be written atleast in full. I only forgive the teenagers for writing such bullcraps and voweless words in the hope that they will outgrow the practice immediately their age no longer begins with a 1! My brain reaction to a non-teenager using such words is to quickly send a message to my eyes saying ‘quickly abort, save yourself, do not read this issht.’ Ironically, twitter restricts a tweet to 140 characters only and hardly will you find such non-sense on twitter.

I am not entirely against shortening words but the practice should either be done sparingly or if you are still a teenager . Words like WTH, WTF, LMAO, GTFOH etc are better written in short than in full so these do not form part of the voweless words I am talking about. Notice, I have not included the Laugh-Out-Loud initials. And for the dudes out there using the lol initials, you are no worse than a dude who watches soaps! You should all be sentenced to 10 years of marriage with Conjestina or Semenya or both. Desist from that. For the 67% of girls who use it as a period in a sentence because you do not know what it means, well now you do. Use it appropriately or better still, DO NOT USE IT AT ALL!!!

THE DAY’S

Quote: The best way to make your wife scream when you are having an orgasm is to call her and tell her where you are, who you are with and what you are doing – Papa Shango

Cool Blog: The Princess Project (Kenya)

Bonus: You are in a mat going home when you feel like breaking wind. You realise that the music is very loud and if you can time the beat, you can successfully pass the gas without anyone noticing. You try it with success! It is so cool that you want to do it again, now for fun. And for the second time, it is a success! You successfully do it four more times before coming to your destination. As you alight, you notice everyone looking at you with bad eyes. It is then that it hits you that you have been listening to music with earphones on your ipod.